Saying stuff like 'I’m worseless' has truly just turned out to be a way to avoid feeling grief

And it’s tough. For the past 1.5 months all I’m doing is eating, sleeping, barely working and then episodically crying throughout the day

Feeling grief also means this toxic part of you is dying and there’s now room for something new, but if all your life was survival you have no base direction you wish to go in. So I’m also lost

Seeing the hurt I’ve had in my life display on my body in the form of disease and aging has really broken me out of a weird trance of pretending it’s all okay if I’m 'worseless'

And I’ve started thinking about all the things I wanted to do, so many locked away for me now

Just a lot, a lot of processing work, nourishing myself and then feeling like a lost puppy, so please send your well wishes lolol