Im trying to be better but I dont think im doing it the right way

I have realized how flawed i am and I've been trying to fix it but I think im so stressed that its not working out and my ocd also isnt helping

For example, I've noticed its wrong for me to let my mom punch my little brothers. I didnt do anything at first because I thought it was normal. Now, this isnt hard to do right? But combining this witu other things I have to change, and my bad memory and dissociation and lethargy doesnt help

Another thing is that I used to be kind of racist and now im scared of doing it again. Like I thougjt maybe its racist to use aave. Even if I know how to use it some black people are still not okay with it. But it has caused me to be scared of texting and talking witu people and it makes me anxious. I dont know what to do. I think my aave is more subtle or maybe im overthinking it a little but it feels so wrong

Whenever I do something wrong that I promised myself not to do, I get anxious and I lose my thoughts easily even if its only been seconds. And the thing is while maybe im overthinking some things, other things are genuinely things I shouldn't have a problem with like ive been saying the r slur in my native language and im trying to not do that. I dont do it often which maybe makes it harder to stop myself because I dont have much "chances" to stop myself. And sometimes id do something and in my mind im saying "wait stop" but I didnt stop. I try to look at the list of things ive written down to stop doing and im saying "hey, this should be simple" so I dont know what wrong with me. It also doesnt help that I have low empathy because of my dissociation so sometimes I want to give up and not care anymore.

I also have maladaptive day dreaming which is basically excessive day dreaming and living in fantasies too much and I feel like ive become too narcasstic because of it and some of my thoughts and day dreams are genuinely immoral. I dont always catch myself doing it and it feels awful. But I cant just go "ohhh im so horrible" everytime. So why?

There are also some ocd related things like pedophilic ocd. Basically its intrusive thoughts that make me think ill do something pedophilic. I dont think im a pedophile . Ocd makes me unsure sometimes but most likely not but for example I'll get anxious when trying to change my brother's clothes

There is probably something else I cant remember unless im in the situation where I do it

These things have caused me to be too nauseous to eat and not be able to talk to my family properly because my mind is too occupied

What do I do