Expectations..

My husband and I have been married for 14 years. He’s a good man, a great dad and we love each other but I’m struggling with something that has built up over time.

I’ve always been the more ambitious, future focused person in our relationship. My husband is much more content. Years ago when we had two young children, I pushed for us to buy a home and move out of state (closer to my parents) because where we lived was becoming too expensive to realistically build a successful future. If it had been up to him..I think we would have continued renting our small place forever and he would have been fine.

When we finally made the move after two years of convincing, I handled almost everything..the mortgage process, finances, planning, logistics and countless decisions. Today, we own a home, our kids attend great schools, and overall we have a good life. Looking back, he’s happy we made the move.

The problem is that this pattern has continued. Every major decision seems to fall on me. Home decisions, car purchases, financial planning, future goals if something needs to be figured out, it usually becomes my responsibility.

I’m realizing that I’m starting to feel resentment. Not because my husband is a bad partner but because I don’t want to always be the one carrying the weight of leading our family. Sometimes I want someone else to take the wheel. I want to feel supported, pursued and taken care of too.

For those who have been in a similar situation, how do you encourage a spouse to step into more of a leadership role when they’ve always been comfortable following your lead? Is this something that can realistically change after 14 years…..