I was hanging around in another subreddit dedicated to Bravo reality show The Valley (Vanderpump Rules spin-off), and a bunch of folks over there are rolling their eyes big time at the dating habits of some male cast members within that whole Vanderpump universe. Following his divorce from an age appropriate woman, this one guy Tom Schwartz has been serially involved with much, much younger women. Serious relationships with women in the 23-27 year old range. He is 43. He gets a lot of flack from the mostly-women fan community for this. Another Vanderpump alumnus, James Kennedy (age 34), has recently announced that his 23 year old girlfriend of 8 months is 4 months pregnant with their child. That news has also been getting a lot of puke face emojis and the like. A lot of women, myself included, clearly tend to be a bit grossed out by the phenomenon of large age-gap relationships. 

In defense of the newest Tom Schwartz relationship (his girlfriend is 27, I believe), a commentator in that sub said something like “I am 27 years old and am a grown ass woman. You guys are being weird as hell about their age difference and it’s whack”. This discourse has me pondering the source of my  aversion to/judgment of age gap coupling. I don’t think my response was particularly intelligent or anything, but I’ll share my response to that person:

“Yeah I mean it's not pedophilia or anything like that. But it's indicative of an icky trait.    
Large age gaps are so boringly and obviously transactional. When 40 something year old dudes routinely pursue and date much younger women, you've got to wonder if it's because he values youth above other qualities in a partner. It's logical to assume that most older men have less in common with much younger women than they do women closer to their own age.

People can like whoever they want and consenting adults can DO whatever they want. But the "ick" factor stems from the difficult-to-ignore cloud of misogyny that surrounds so many of these may-December relationships.    
When I was in my 20s, | liked dating older dudes. It was fun for me to feel like the young and hot little thang in comparison to my partners. I enjoyed the feeling of being valued for my youth. Deep down I think I just loved being the shiny, sexy penny, basking in the joy of societal objectification (as it was on my side). Who wouldn't enjoy being the bell of the patriarchal ball in the moment?

What's gross to observers/commentators sometimes is that we can't help but notice that those dynamics are symptomatic of a system that devalues women as they age out of a very limited phase of adult life, and empowers men to be the pickers and choosers of who and what is worthy of attention, praise, respect, attention, ano crucially: agency. It sucks that men are in charge, and that we are conditioned to cater to their preferences and yearn for their approval, at our very real expense.”

Anyway- I’m bringing this up because I’m hoping to stoke some greater dialogue about this topic! I know no one in the other sub will want to engage much further (it’s more of a puke face emoji and dip kind of space…), but y’all here are thoughtful and smart, and I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Vegan “chicken and stars” soup that I’m very proud of, though it doesn’t look like much. It tastes like the chicken and stars soup of my childhood, which I’ve been craving since I gave up meat (at age 12). 

Age gaps and icks. Just reflecting!