I am so scared right now

hi guys. first post here because i’m genuinely really scared right now. TW: >!Bulimia!< (i hope i did the spoiler right)

I have purged for abt year now, and it’s to the point where i can no longer keep my meals down, snacks are fine but meals i can’t. i know this is a massive red flag for me but I am really scared and i don’t know what to do. embarassing, i know. This morning i actually shit my pants. I googled it and it said that my muscles are permanently shot and that i can never recover from this. Has anyone been through similar and been able to fix their muscles? has anyone successfully recovered? this is not the life I want for myself and i genuinely don’t know how to change it.

(sorry for spelling & grammar mistakes, i suck with grammar and im freaking tf out rn)