I'm conflicted about who I am and who I want to be

I'm conflicted with where I am in life and who I want to be. Thoughts and feelings in my head are pulling me in two different directions.

I've never been fully accepted in life, just going through the motions. I just need to find the right people to be around.

I've found one person who is accepting. She is awesome. I've shared secrets with her.

But who am I? I mean, I like what I like. It may never be accepted by society, but forget that. Who are they to tell me how to dress, how to act, or who to be?

I am me.

Damn it—hips and curves, thick thighs, groovy vibes,

I miss the other me.

I miss her hair.

I miss my OGX shampoo, nail polish, and growing my nails out. God, I felt so free and alive.

I miss Nikki. I miss some of the clothes, the tank tops, and my breasts.

The mood swings were a bitch, but I just wish I had someone who accepted me—or accepted us. Someone to help guide me, show me how to walk, dress, and do makeup. Lol.

I miss the jeans.

I miss how I was starting to look. For once, I liked my face. I liked what I saw in the mirror.

I hate seeing myself now.

I hate my body hair.