I want to use menstrual cup but I have contamination ocd

So I am 17F. I bought a menstrual cup becuz the pads were giving me very bad vaginal itching and irritation. So I tried the cup. First I was scared but I still tried (like everyone) but I couldn't find the opening. I saw tutorial everyone is saying to touch that part with your fingers spread the labia but I can't bring myself to touch it. Like Ik vagina is a self cleaning organ whatever but I still can't bring myself to touch it. Then I tried again for the second time this time I somehow was able to get it in half but I didn't even know if it was going in and where it was going in. I can see that cup half disappearing but I don't know where it's going I got scared and pulled it out... I then find out about that uncensored tutorial of putting a menstrual cup in I watched it even tho I can't even look at my own vagina cuz it disgusts me Ik i shouldn't be disgusted it's my body part but I am... And In the video I saw how she puts it in by like spreading the folds with her finger than pushing it in. It was so overwhelming and then I saw that the cup fully goes in not even the tip is being shown... That scared me and the fact that now to take it out I will have to put my finger in it....

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I can't buy tampons becuz they are hella expensive here and I read that they can give you TSS and cotton pad are also very expensive and I have heavy flow so I use more too so I can't buy that too I will have to stick with synthetic pads for now ig... pls someone help me.