Intimacy… Will it get better??

I (28F) have been with my husband (37M) for two years (married for a couple months) and he’s not interested in sex.

I should preface by saying I have quite a strong sex drive and always have.

Our relationship started wonderful. We met while I was on vacation and we were like magnets to each other and couldn’t stay away. We had sex multiple times and continued our relationship when I went back home. I visited him a couple times before ultimately moving to be with him.

When I would come to visit, the sex was great and I felt like we both equally initiated. Then I moved in with him and it started to go downhill. I would try to initiate and he would flat out tell me no or he was too lazy or wasn’t in the mood or would just fully ignore the bid for connection. I’ve also offered to give him head multiple times and he says no.

One night I broke down in tears to him because it’s really damaging to constantly be rejected by your partner. He felt awful and said he just doesn’t ever think about sex and it has nothing to do with me and he would try to be better. He initiated the next night and then it went back to the way it was. It’s frustrating because when we finally do have sex, it lasts a couple minutes and then that’s it and it’s not fulfilling that desire. A couple weeks went by and we ended up having the same conversation that ended in my tears. When we do have sex, it’s with the lights off or in low light and I’ve started to feel really self conscious. He doesn’t stay fully hard either. I’m starting to feel like it’s my fault.

I don’t want to come across as self inflated by saying this, but I’m a very attractive and fit woman and he’s also very attractive, so it’s not like I’ve let myself go.

We finally had sex during the day and in the bright natural light, and after a few minutes he went fully soft and didn’t want to continue. I felt horrible and it confirmed my feelings that maybe it is me and he’s not attracted to me. We had another conversation and he asked me if I could stay married to him my whole life when he’s like this. He again told me it has nothing to do with me, and admitted to having a hard time keeping an erection. He said he’s not interested in sex because of that and because he finishes fast and just doesn’t see the point in it all. I told him there’s nothing wrong with that and he should have his hormones tested and talk to a doctor. He didn’t object, but here we are weeks later and he’s made no attempt to get that sorted.

I found some ED pills that he’d hidden months before this conversation so I was just waiting for him to tell me as I didn’t want to embarrass him by asking him about it.

Fast forward to yesterday— he had been really touchy with me and kissing me extra, so when he got home I figured I’d tell him I was in the mood and ask if he was too. And he told me he was too tired and we could have sex tomorrow.. So we shall see.

We have a very loving relationship, we’re always kissing each other and spending quality time together, cuddling and being sweet. I love our marriage, our sex life is the only issue I have.

It’s an interesting place to be in because society is always talking about men hounding their wives for sex and the women being the ones who reject it. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.

I’m a naturally flirtatious woman and in my previous relationships, I had no problem initiating or being sexual. But with my husband, I feel like I can’t be myself. Every time I’m in the mood, I get nervous about initiating or asking because I don’t want to be rejected and I don’t want to feel this way. I just wonder if this will get better… Am I doing a disservice to myself by being married to a man that doesn’t want to be intimate with me?