My boyfriend has sex with me when I’m having an episode. My therapist says I can’t consent.

Hi everyone. Long time listener, first write in. I 24F have been with my boyfriend 26M for a year. We live together and have been since early in our relationship. We genuinely have zero issues in our relationship, have never fought, are super open if ever we need to communicate, we take great care of one another, and overall are very happy.

Years ago I was diagnosed with schizophrenia, and have episodes that range from mild, to severe. I become a shell of myself during the severe ones, and usually end up sobbing and am inconsolable. These episodes are more rare, maybe a couple times a month. I do not take medication as I have multiple other diagnoses that I’m worried could mix badly with anti psychotics. I’ve been in therapy since I was 12, and as of 2 years ago started seeing my current therapist who specializes in schizophrenia and coping mechanisms.

Now for the title, I am a bit of a sex lover. At least once a day if possible. My boyfriend loves it and we have a very healthy sex life. During one of my episodes many months ago, I didn’t feel like I looked like myself at all. I was upset and kept saying he wouldn’t like me if he saw me, that I’m not me, that I’m disgusting and a monster. I was crying- as specified before- and he ended up kissing me very passionately as he knows that is a good way to cheer me up. This kissing led to clothes off, led to sex. I felt like me again after that moment. I felt loved for who I was. He kept whispering that I’m not crazy and don’t need to change. I cried about how happy this made me for so long. Now it’s become a thing during my episodes for him to initiate sex in some form IF he can’t find any other way to help in that moment. Every time it’s the same outcome, me feeling better. This has happened maybe 5 times now.

I jokingly brought this up with my therapist as we were talking about my coping mechanisms and she got very concerned. Put it into my head that during an episode where I am inconsolable and out of it, not acting like me, etc; I have no way to properly consent. Now to be fair, he doesn’t ask me. But if I were to say I wasn’t in the mood at that time I bet he’d stop. Have I said that? No. But I can’t stop overthinking what she said. Can I consent? Is what we do wrong? I hardly remember what happens during episodes, he relays information to me as my mind goes blank to try to protect myself. It’s not helping that the voices are latching onto what she said and telling me that he’s using me for my body when I’m most vulnerable.

I thought there was no problem. But now I’m confused.

Thank you for reading, any thoughts are appreciated.