Breakfast Burritos Suck

Breakfast burritos suck so bad, they're the only food I dislike.

I'm not a picky eater:

I've eaten a ton of the foods that some consider to be polarizing or hard to stomach and have enjoyed them all. Natto, Durian, stinky tofu, lutefisk, etc. I've had whale and horse sashimi.

I'm not a snobby eater:

I love the jack-in-the box 2-tacos 1-dollar deal passionately, and will get stoned and fuck up an entire white castle family pack.

I like Mexican and Mexican American food:

I have not eaten much "Mexican food" in Mexico (I've been 2 times, all day trips driving to tijuana to eat crab) but have lived in several places with a high density of quality regional Mexican food as well as highly regarded mexican american food (tacos in southern california, burritos in the bay area). I like it all.

So why do they suck?

the breakfst burrito is less than the sum of its parts. Most of the meat choices that would go into a breakfast burrito are better crispy. same with potatoes. instead, we're wrapping them in a steamy blanket to get soggy.

A breakfast burrito almost never has good cheese that matches it. american cheese and cheddar cheese are common. I'm not saying it should be mexican cheese; i can imagine it being good with something creamy like shredded mozzarella or funky like a sharp goat cheese. but the cheeses that often go into it just make it gummy, like it's for structural integrity rather than taste.

Everyone knows they use the most ass tortillas for the breakfast burritos, because people care about them less. they are almost always the older, more cardboard crusty ones as compared to a different style of burrito. I bet places use their older tortillas for breakfast burritos.

Salsa goes well with all the components, and a good salsa can do a lot of work to improving a breakfast burrito, but there's nothing a salsa can do for a breakfast burrito that it can't do just as well for a non-breakfast burrito, which are better standalone.

Finally, the eggs. to start, scrambled eggs are the worst form of eggs. they can be enjoyable if cooked right, eaten as a component of a meal, but in a breakfast burrito they are inevitably going to be overcooked and filling your mouth with the texture of styrofoam. for it to keep its eggy flavor and be correctly cooked, you'd have to scoop it into the burrito undercooked, and risk having a soupy scramble in your supposedly convenient form factor. the best feature of euro style scrambled eggs is that it's creamy, and the best feature of US style scrambled eggs are that they are fluffy, but take overcooked eggs and press/wrap/stuff them into a tortilla and it becomes compacted down into garbage.

hot cheese and eggs mixed in an enclosed wrapper like a burrito smells like farts.

I understand that they can be used as a utilitarian breakfast item, but they don't deserve any more respect than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or hot pocket.