The 20 Archetypes of a UK slut

20 Archetypes of a UK slut

I’ve been thinking about all the sluts I’ve used over the years, as well as those that are still to get what is coming to them. So I’ve compiled a little list below of my favourite types of UK sluts. I’ve sampled many of these cunts of course. But it's a bit like a game of Pokemon… I’ve got to catch them all:

The Posh Toff Slut You know the  type… Surrey or Kensington, daddy's credit card in her purse, pearls on her neck but knickers round her ankles in the back of the Range Rover. Sounds all proper but turns into a right filthy animal when you tell her she's a dirty little whore.

The Chav Princess Tracksuit, Ugg boots, fake tan glowing like a traffic light. She'll rob your last fag but suck your cock like it's the last one on earth. Nothing better than bending her over behind the chippy while her hoops are jangling like mad.

The Essex Girl TOWIE vibes but zero brakes. Fake tits, massive lashes, throat like a Dyson. These ones get passed round on lads holidays and send the video to the group chat the next morning.

The Northern Lass Thick accent, even thicker thighs. Manchester, Leeds, Geordie girls, they can down pints with you then ride you while blasting Oasis. And they'll still cook you a full English the morning after.

The Uni Fresher First year away from home, thinks she's dead sophisticated with her oat milk lattes. Ends up getting railed by three different lads a weekend in her tiny halls room. Loves the "older guy corrupting me" bit. My personal favourite.

The Office MILF Pencil skirt, smart blouse, glasses. Canary Wharf or city centre type. Professional all day, then begging to be choked and used like a cumrag on the boardroom table after hours. Wedding ring on? Even filthier.

The Goth/Alt Girl Pale skin, black lipstick, ripped fishnets. Looks like she cries to The Cure but lets you do the nastiest shit in the shower. Proper underrated deepthroaters. Another personal favourite.

The WAG Type Used to shag a lower league footballer. Still dresses like she's off to Dubai. Massive fake tits and a pussy that's seen proper Premier League action. Loves being reminded she's just a trophy now.

The Scottish Lass Fiery ones from Glasgow or Edinburgh. That accent makes everything sound dirtier. They'll drink you under the table then fuck you into next week. Zero gag reflex, guaranteed.

The Welsh Girl Curvy, loud, proper nympho energy. That daft accent when she's moaning? Dangerous. These ones can be next level filth.

The Barmaid Tattoos, low cut top, knows how to pull a pint and your cock. Seen every type of bloke and still chooses to get absolutely destroyed in the cellar after last orders. Smells like lager and bad decisions (the best kind).

The Gym Bunny Leggings painted on, cameltoe visible from orbit. All those squats for a reason. Loves getting dominated straight after leg day, all sweaty and feral. Mirror fucks mandatory.

The Teacher Strict in class, total sub after. The "I really shouldn't" guilt makes them cum like crazy when you finally put them in their place.

The Nurse Seen every bodily fluid going, zero shame left. Deepthroats after a 12-hour shift and still asks nicely if you wanna finish on her tits.

The Curvy Mum Proper thick mum bod. Soft belly, massive tits, hips made for breeding. Neglected by her ex and now she's making up for lost time. Gets addicted quick.

The Shoreditch Hipster Vintage dress, septum piercing, thinks she's too cool for this. Ends up getting facefucked in a warehouse toilet at 3am. Ironic until the cock's down her throat.

The Country Girl Wellies, jodhpurs, smells of horses and hay. Gets properly filthy in the back of the Land Rover or out in the fields. Nothing beats a farmer's daughter begging in the mud.

The Festival Slut Glastonbury wellies, glitter tits, zero fucks. Loses her phone, her dignity and her voice screaming your name in a tent.

The Quiet Bookworm Cardigan, glasses, reads smut on the train. These ones are the biggest freaks. They'll let you do things that'd make a pornstar tap out.

The Muslim Whore Proper repressed ones from strict religious families. Parents keep them on a tight leash with all the cultural guilt and "good girl" bollocks. The forbidden fruit vibe makes them extra eager and filthy. Nothing hotter than watching them shake while they take a pounding. Another top favourite of mine.

The Feminist Studies gender studies or some bollocks by day, posting about smashing the patriarchy on Instagram, then worshipping cock like it’s their full time religion by night.

So British Kings or visitors to these fair Isles… which type is YOUR favourite? Did I miss any good ones?

And cunts, do you fit any of these archetypes? Do tell us all about yourself and your slutty ways here if you do.