[f4a] emotional masochist and wannabe doormat for an unapologetically confident, boastful, and articulate individual

i’d seen a woman’s post requesting a girl friend with plenty of sexual motion who she could chat with about all of her experiences and escapades, living vicariously through her. if i’m remembering correctly, she had mentioned being fresh out of a breakup…if i’m remembering correctly. the thing is that although i saw this post so very recently, it was at such an ungodly hour, with sleepy eyes and half-gone wits. the memory feels distant enough to be properly confabulate-able because of this, like a fever dream i’ve been thinking on ceaselessly.

everyone has a hole they keep wanting to crawl back into when their brain seems to want them feeling down. similarly to how some women find themselves scrolling on social media knowing they’ll undeniably walk away with less confidence or even newfound insecurities, i find myself wanting to wedge my nose in the business of people who are getting the action, having the wild fun, or enjoying domestic stability, whim i am doing none of the sort. (the phantom detail of a recent breakup is important, anyway, because it would be another point of resonance, if i remembered correctly: the core of a craving. there can be novelty in why people chase weird things, if you’re that kind of person.)

is it rooted in a rubbernecking thing? a negativity bias? partially, sure, but other factors are at play for me. this fantasy also feeds my desire for a unique kind of degradation that isn’t rehearsed, but dynamically systemic. no name-calling or strict roles necessary — the context of the situation directly makes me feel inferior, sometimes in a way totally unseen by the other party. if you’re the person that easily gets out there, and you have that sweet but honestly conventionally unattractive, never making any moves of her own but always happy for you regardless friend, do you ever wonder if part of them is crushed wishing they could relate more than cheer from the sidelines? that’s one way to put it into perspective.

requisitely, you are well-written, able to play up a character (so to speak, because this isn’t an rp prompt), and well-written. you may be recalling now that i mentioned having a wishy-washy memory — well, some things are just worth saying more than once. a single word or line does not well demonstrate your command over the english language. please consider this before you message me.

ideally, you have a shtick. maybe you have a roster, cheating streak, or a truer polyamorous lifestyle.

ideally, you have a style. whether you’re sure of yourself and can’t help but exercise your bragging rights, or you get a sick satisfaction from rubbing faces in the dirt; whether you’re tired of being humble all the time and crave a yes woman to validate your every word, or you get a high from low-grades kissing the ground you walk. there are levels to this, and i’m happy to entertain polite approaches and borderline emotional sadists all the same.

ideally, this would be longer term, or on/off for a longer duration, but i’ll take what i’m given.

we can talk about what conceived our desires, or we can totally focus on you. we can orient this more toward sex, physical appearance, or some other area. everything is your call so long as something here speaks to you. we can set standards and expectations in the beginning, and i’ll share more about myself if we connect.