Not being able to start hrt is draining me

I probably mentioned this a million times but I've been seeing a doctor and she's supposed to help me. Yet she doesn't nothing but listen and says giving me treatment is difficult since I'm under 18. But I'm 16, puberty could possibly be getting closer to finishing. I hate it. I could feel my body changing, poisoned every day I'm not on t.

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I don't even have any hormonal medication, nothing. I still get periods and it's a reminder my body still produces plenty estrogen. My chest too, I never take my binder off no matter what. The fact that it isn't flat makes me want to cut it off the longer I have without surgery. Getting surgery is also difficult because of my age.

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Also I wanted to diy, but because of where I live it might get seized by customs. There was a specific site that allowed more than crypto too. It's not like I live anywhere with a domestic supplier. It's a freaking third world country. Diy isn't so easy for everyone. So unless anyone here is from Trinidad and could help me I don't want to hear about "jUst diY bro iT's sO eAsy"

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I'm graduating from high school on the 18th, I'm supposed to read a poem too. But I can't stop thinking about dying. I could die before the graduation, I could die after, I could die before I see my exam results mid august, I could die before I see university in September, I could die anyways. Because being trans is the worst thing that has ever happened to me, along with female puberty. It's a curse on my life, the kind that happens as a punishment for very severe evil or something. I hate how I share the condition that causes these emotions with people who don't feel them at all, and they probably are the reason I have to "wait until I'm 18" or some shit.

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Honestly I stopped thinking so far into the future because I'm not sure if I would make it there. If I really have to wait until I'm 18, I'll die way before. No suicide prevention could convince me otherwise, only access to testosterone.