Does it matter?

I am reading a lot of posts about how much people are suffering. I have cptsd too and I had a very traumatic and tough childhood. But I can't understand why it matters why be sad. Am I numb? The thing thats kinda scaring me and causing me anxiety is the tought that I am actually missing something and suffering a lot. Wich is why I created this post. I just can't understand why anything matters.