Will I ever be enough for anyone?

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I'm 21, almost done with college and i have been tormented by the same feeling for almost 4 years and im afraid that it will never go away.

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Over the course of my life, I have had my share of love, unrequited as it may be, yet like a fool I remained hopeful that maybe the next time may be different, that maybe I would have been enough for someone to love. But as time went on, i only felt more invisible, more alone, more worthless, more unlovable.

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I get that I don't have what girls want, I'm not tall (I'm 5ft 8in), despite how much effort I put into myself and my skincare i still feel like a disgusting creature and I have a resting b\\\*tch face which doesn't help although once people get to know me I'm quite the opposite. I believe that I'm a good person and a gentleman but that has never felt like it mattered.

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Do I not deserve to be loved? I mean clearly there is something wrong about me, something damaged, broken. Maybe i will never be enough for someone, for them to look at me and think that's my person. I feel so starved of affection and being held, it's actually insufferable and pathetic. What hurts more is having to watch everyone else experience something you can't. The pain is too much and I don't have the strength to fight it anymore.

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It would have been so much better if I wasn't born. Atleast then I don't have to feel like this, to feel so pathetic, so unlovable. I can't even look in the mirror anymore because I feel so disgusted by the hideous monster staring back. To feel like no one on this earth could ever love something like me, to want to be with something like me.

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Every single night, my mind repeats the same thing over and over, that nobody could love something as worthless, as disgusting, as hideous as you and that never goes away. Maybe I do carry this curse, the curse of never being enough for anyone to love. It just hurts so much.