[stay at home dad] clash over finances

Some context: I’ve been a SAHD for 2 years until April, when our kid went to daycare. I’ve experienced mental & physical fatigue towards the end of that “shift”, and have been working w/ a PT due to some back issues that manifested itself as a result of lack of sleep / fatigue / daycare plagues etc. I was so surprised when it all came crashing down… I pushed my body too hard.

We’re currently in the process of moving out of state (bye, CA) because we’re being financially crushed. My wife has been the sole provider and this has been starting to strain our relationship. Last night she was obsessing over the fact that I had bought an extra $5 box of couscous… I lashed out and said something along the lines of “Maybe if you’d actually cook dinner once in a while I could take your feedback seriously on this” to which her response was the classic Mad Men quote “THATS WHAT THE MONEY IS FOR”. It was jaw-dropping tbh.

I knew that financial matters would keep surfacing up, but ultimately I don’t feel anymore like an equal partner. She keeps our kid in daycare 3 days a week because she doesn’t want to have the kid “stressed”. Meanwhile, whenever the kid is not in daycare it falls on me to take care of them and that slows my recovery + job hunting + prepping for the across county move.

I try to remind myself that this is temporary and we’re one team, but man, does not having an income and growing debt messes with your sense of self-worth.