I need to recover

I’m not having the flashbacks I used to but so much shame and guilt surrounds my life. I’m hyper vigilant and now I work a job with kids who have challenging behaviours. They’ll get dysregulated, throw things, and scratch or hit me. I’m breaking down. I just feel so tense. Then I get home and I’m irritable and I’m anxious all the time. I’m gonna get fired is what I believe, everyone hates me. Like I just hate myself. I’m spiralling rn. I thought I was better but now I’m just in such a bad place

How do I recover? It’s like the PTSD from big events is bettter but what’s left of me is just not okay. I’m not okay. I’m always observing the environment, I’m in everyone else’s heads, I can’t be present, I’m just anxious, angry idek.