i want to die

it all started when i was 7 after my dad died my mom changed a lot she stopped caring for me and my siblings did the same thing i had to learn to cook for myself do the laundry and wash the dishes at 7 this is not really the reason why i want to die i’ve been lonely my whole life i have no friends no family to care about me or even a pet i feel like im worthless when i tried to talk about it online people laughed at me and called me corny i don’t understand why you would call someone that who’s had enough bullying already and also i’ve been bullied my whole life they find anything to bully me the way i talk or even walk now i have to think about everything i do is it perfect or not and for the past 3 years ive liked a girl in my school i got her number we got really close i thought she liked me back so i confessed everything to her she rejected me and said im not ready for a relationship rn let’s be friends i know she’s being nice but im hurt maybe if i was pretty she would’ve accepted my feelings but i don’t understand why would god put me through all this why should a 7 year old think that he’s the reason his dad died and should die after him the only reason i didnt die till now is because im scared of the pain if anyone has a painless way to die i'd appreciate it and sorry for the long text