Why I am not ending myself

I am 33(will be next week) Male. I was counting few months ago that how much of happy years I have lived since I have consciousness.

I counted 5 years, I was happy or you can say I was content. Rest of the years, sexually abused as child, physically beaten by father to extreme end, seen suicide of one of my grandparent, seen my mother trying to get herself dosed in kerosene and lit herself in fire because she was accused of reason for my grandparent suicide, bullied in school, bullied in college, now in adulthood.

Repetitive failures one after another in profession. No proper proposal since last 4 years due to grandparent suicide stigma.

I have contemplated jumping in front of buses, trains, jumping from edge of dam into the river. Injecting myself of poison.

But not doing so and cant do above ever because of my younger brother, if i did the same thing as my grandparent, my brother life will be permanently destroyed, he will face even more stigma then me. All the responsibility will fall in his head, he is still studying.

So can’t be that selfish.