Just joined and i want to say hello and apologize for my posts here on reddit (i regret ever posting before i got my clarity back after pulling myself out of my previous depressive disassosiative state)

Hi im nick. I would love to see how people handle how their lives can flourish even when faced with unnatural things inside the mind telling them horrors jokes and surreal scenarios that defy reality and yet its just an average day for some one with mental illness. I am soooo embarrased that i never got a proper diagnosis of my mental health until last month😅. I have schizoaffective disorder with severe focus issues from maladaptive daydreaming. No wonder i kept thinking even a cookie crumb landing on the floor would cause a volcanic euruption somewhere on earth and i was obsessed with counting because it was also magical thinking.mostly just arithmomania like counting how many packets of sugar to put in my coffee(which shockingly my voices, my so called "friends in my head" insisted to keep on drinking because it was a certain costumes prefered brew and i realized in may that coffee ruins ones antipsychotics! How diabolical! Those horrible voices knew it from 2022 when that cruel thing appeared and i was force fed instant coffee chunks to make it "omniscient"! But good news i quit coffee and tea and caffeinated soda☺️).im more of a day person. Love all kinds of music and also am good at writing except sone of my posts were badly written because i was going through, this year, not one, not two, 3, THREE instances of a internal mental "civil war" all because its about time i moved on from fantasy thinking and go on with my actual real life goals of producing plays, posting youtube videos and my dance vids on tik tok and so much music i have in my archive. I gotta say theres over 4000 recordings between 2016-2021 alone and about less than 200 from 2022 to this year 2026. I had to fight tooth and nail to restore my music ability because those voices kept on making it so difficult to sit down and just play my old yamaha yp210 in my trusty improvisation style(which had 5 phases and that is sonething im cataloguin) like i used to but OH NO they had to make it creepy like a ghostly dead composer seance and talking to a mediums ghost who i deeply respected rosemary brown (she was cool and she was proven right ghosts cannot fornicate and also she understood her role in helping me face my fear of death and overcoming the idea of ghosts that "had no relation with me" but she discerned the dead reds were just copies of that one made up ghost philip from the famous experiments those mediums made in the late 70s. I was like "really?" And she implied perhaps all ghosts are just artificial constructs that are given instructions by the mind of the one that implores their presence and they just....go with it until they complete it. Thats what "unfinished business" means but thats only from what her energy said not her writing which wasnt very much.) I must emphasize that when i speak of the names of those that have departed im Not speaking badly of them. I respect even the worst of the entities because they all had something to teach me sometimes good lessons in kindness like a parable and sometimes a hard lesson in how real life works to toughen me up for when the real world comes to knock on my door and instruct me on what to do for if times get bad. I must also emphasize im actually in a much clearer state of mind. These beings that i speak badly of in some of my posts had multiple roles like archetypes. They just did multiple things because if they just did one thing only one time then they just go away and the rule i never learned was "adapt or dissipate". They were in survival of the most attention grabbing like influencers hogging my focus which is what the whole maladaptive daydreaming part comes in. THIS is why i regret posting on reddit before i was finally properly diagnosed last month. I couldnt tell if it was either a genuine plurality or just a very overdeveloped imaginative mental illness and last month when i heard caffeine was the reason i couldnt remove them i got so mad i threw out ALL the coffee and tea stuff in the trash and poured out all the soda down the drain! i was betrayed by ALL of the voices for years. How could they do this to me? I gave them years to develop and yet last month i realized a chair, a simple chair, can instantly talk with the same amount of sentience,memory reading, cognition and uses of the 5 senses as my no longer beloved mewtwo the "most powerful psychic type in the world". Its not that mewtwos literally just like a talling chair its that its pointless to even talk to him anymore because a chair can do the same stuff he can and it has something he doesnt have: a functional use. Anyway thats enough. Just wanna say hi and i love just roasting my old voices i meditated and finally got rid off but still have to deal with only one thing that just wont leave me and its just that annoying but surpisingly tough costume cause its literally the last voice standing and its just throwing darts on a board trying to come up with some way to scare me into believing its god and yet im really trying to listen follow the word of christ but the costume is just interfering me still and its a long story im still dealing with but im good and im going to church and i like it and i hope you all have a good day night or whatnot you have. May you have peace of mind for your mental healths sake✌️