Why Do You Always Look For Him?

It always starts so innocently.
A normal friendship.
Just a nice guy.
Then you start noticing
your eyes naturally searching for him
whenever you enter a room.

That’s okay, you assure yourself.
Y’all are just good friends.
He even said so.

Good friends spend a lot of time together.
You’re both always with the group, after all.
So why are you always looking for him?

Well, he’s certainly not hard to look at.
His rich brown hair.
Hazel eyes.
Muscular frame…

But y’all are just good friends.

You probably only look for him
because he’s funny.
You laugh at every joke he makes,
even when no one else does.

And you love talking to him.
About anything.
Your friends.
Your families.
Your dreams.

Still,
why are you always looking for him?

Then one day,
you stop asking.
Because you already know.
It was never just his smile.
Or his laugh.
Or the way conversation came so easily.

It was the way your day felt brighter
when he walked into the room.
The way your eyes found him
before you even realized you were searching.

The way "friendship"
quietly became something more to you.

And that's the problem.
He's straight.
He can't love you the same way.
He never meant to hurt you.
He never even knew.
So you tell yourself
to be grateful for what you have.
To appreciate his friendship.
To accept what can never be.

And yet, the next time you enter a room,
your eyes still search for him.
Only, they aren't searching for your friend.
No.
They're searching for your perfect guy.
And your friend is still a great guy -
close to perfect, even.

But a perfect guy?

He'd be searching for me, too.