I really struggle with the fact that I’m a Crossdresser

I hate that it feels like I was born this way. It genuinely feels like a hard wiring in my brain that I can’t explain. I don’t do it often, because I only have an interest in doing it if I can go the whole nine yards with a complete transformation, which I can’t do that often. But it’s always something that’s on my mind. I don’t get it. I’m a completely normal guy outside of this. It feels like a curse. I can’t understand why.