Just a bunch of thoughts

I don't even know where to begin with this, and I don't even know what kind of structure this is gonna be, but I'm shooting this out there just to get things off my chest.

Yes, I know you use reddit, and we know each other's handles, so in case you see this, this isn't a plea to get your attention. I just want to put my thoughts into words and see what internet strangers have to say about it.

You said we weren't compatible personality-wise and I hate that you're right. I shouldn't change for someone, if it meant putting myself into a mold, but at the same time, shouldn't love change us? Of course, not into a desired image of the "ideal" partner, but something different (and hopefully better) than when we first started dating. It hasn't been that long since the breakup, but looking back, I despised the way I went about things. I was (and still am) an anxiously attached individual, and I hate that I self sabotaged. I thought my gifts were never great enough, every lack of reaction or input was your discontent and every "sure" that came out of your mouth was your sarcastic disagreement with me. I hate this overthinking brain of mine, and I hate that I was too afraid of confrontation to address my insecurities with you.

I'm slowly learning that my behaviour dragged us both down, and I apologize for the weight and burden you had to carry. The way I would freeze up when the smallest thing went wrong, the way I couldn't even explain to you while I broke down, leaving you lost on how to help me.

I hate how I could never tell you properly how much I love you whether it was written or spoken, but I hope my efforts came through with my actions and the silly trinkets that reminded me of you.

I don't want to make this cheesy, but I really am grateful to have met you, even if you ended up being a lesson in my life. You saw the good and potential in me, when I couldn't even see it. I'll miss the little things between us, but I'm glad it's something I can reminisce and smile about. I hope wherever you go, know that I am proud of you and I truly wish you the best. You know where to find me if you ever need a hand.

I'm going to try my best and be a better person for myself, and I guess this ended up being a letter to the two of us. But like I said the last time we saw each other, I'll see ya when I see ya.

✌️