How to be normal in friendships/making them when I feel like everyone is a threat

This is going to be a bit of a mess. I‘m ruminating

I have a pattern (on the 3rd one) that I developed as a kid. I attach to one person as “the only one that won’t hate me,” (somehow I feel I cleared them of being a danger to me) but I still have a really hard time believing that they would ever care about me (because it’s me) This leads me to wanting them to need me. When they show me that they don’t, even if they still even initiate hangouts, I start spiraling and distancing. Then I try to shove those feelings down and act normal, but inevitably, it comes up again. Within these types of friendships, I will absolutely stay through a lot of abuse without even saying anything

And ofc, since it’s one person, I’m just very codependent. I feel like I can’t make other friends because no one else is “cleared“ and it’s such a risk to try. I don’t know if they’ll try to attack me or something. Going into public spaces is a bit terrifying too (add that on to how already hard it is to make friends as an adult)

I hate how dependent I am and I just want to be able to have friends (emphasis on the s) I feel secure with. How does one?