Join The Military

*re-up as I accidentally posted before finishing writing the post.*

Alright y’all, hear me out. I’m not a recruiter. I was in the military (army) for 6 years and only 6 years. I served 3 years in the infantry (grunt with a gun) and another 3 in Military Intelligence (nerd at a desk). There was nothing my retention counselors could have said to get me to sign a third contract. I am happy to no longer be in the military.

HOWEVER, when I read many of the posts on this subreddit, I can’t help but think that for many of you, joining the military would solve many of your problems, as it did for me.

Before I go into the benefits, I want to address those of you who doubt your own abilities to get through basic training or bootcamp.

I am 5’7”. When i showed up to MEPS (processing), for the first time, I weighed 110 pounds. They turned me away. A week later I stepped on their scale again and passed their weight requirement for my height at 121lbs. Did I gain 11 pounds of mass in a week? Obviously not. I chugged a bunch of water and held in my poop. After I graduated HS, I did nothing but sit in my room and play videogames. My bones were so brittle that within the first week of basic training, I got bilateral hip fractures that put me on crutches for 3 months. But I knew that there was no way in hell that I was the weakest and frailest person to make it through training. Statistically, it’s incredible unlikely. If someone weaker than me can do it, then I can do it. If I, a scrawny brittle kid with scoliosis can do it, you can do it. They waited until I healed and reinserted me back into the training where I had left off.

Obviously, some people genuinely are unable to get into the military due to some physical or mental condition. But the vast majority of people who claim they wouldn’t be able to get through the training lack confidence, not ability.

Ok anyways let’s get into some of the benefits:

1. Housing

If you’re unmarried, without kids, and below the rank of E-6, you will live in the barracks. This is obviously free of charge but admittedly can be pretty shitty. Mostly depends on if your roommate is a shithead. Once you hit E-5 you can get your own room which does make it better, however.

If you are E-6 (E-5 in some units), are married, or have kids, you will NOT live in the barracks. You will get basic allowance for housing (BAH). This BAH money is additional to your paycheck and is deposited directly into your bank account. The amount of money you get varies on the location you’re at and how many dependents you have. For example, If you are a single E-5 stationed at Fort Campbell, KY with no dependents, you should get around 1,600$ a month.

This money can be spent on anything. You can put it towards your rent, you can put it towards your mortgage, you can put it towards Pokémon cards. If you find an apartment for $700, congrats, you get 900$ extra a paycheck anyways. You keep it. You do what you want with it. Oh and I forgot to mention it’s TAX FREE.

If you go in as an officer, congrats. Even if you’re single and childless you will receive BAH. How do you join as an officer? You need a bachelors degree.

2. Food

If you live in the barracks, you will get “free food” At the DEFAC (cafeteria). Now it’s not technically free because from the moment you join, money is deducted from your paycheck to facilitate this “free food”. You’ve never seen that money, so you don’t feel like you’re losing it, but it is being deducted. Whether you eat at the DEFAC or not, this money will be taken out of your account UNTIL you no longer live in the barracks.

Once you move out, you will get that tax free 1900-ish a month but also the 300-450$ish dollars a month that was being deducted. This is called basic allowance for subsistence(BAS). And yes it is also tax free.

The commissary. The commissary is the grocery store on post. It is literally like every other grocery store you’ve ever been to, with all of your favorite products, except way cleaner and way cheaper. In fact it is so cheap because they hemorrhage money every day. How do they survive? It’s heavily subsidized. They sell items at cost or below cost. People who live off post and right next to a Walmart will drive 30 minutes to shop at the commissary.

3. Opportunities

There are MANY jobs in the military. MANY. When I had joined as a dumb 19 year old, I figured everyone with a uniform was some sort of highly trained killer. Silly me. You can be a laundry specialist in the military, a cook, a pilot, a cop, a linguist, band musician, water treatment specialist, electrician, religious affairs… I mean it just goes on and on and on. I was infantry for 3 years and then I reclassified to an IT job because I was sick of suffering. I wanted a desk job. Through my training program I got a CompTia Sec+ certification and a TS security clearance. I then went on to work as some pretty cool places I can’t talk about. But I can say I was stationed in Korea for a year and oh boy was that a blast. Not only do you get all the US holidays off, but also the Korean ones.

4. Healthcare

Man. I didn’t give a single F about healthcare when I joined, but now that I’m out. I miss Tricare. Tricare covers EVERYTHING. Doesn’t matter what happens to you or your family. You will never have to worry about a medical expense. I had a deviated septum. I was born with it. Made it hard to breathe. I complained about it to the doctors. They gave me a septoplasty, rhinoplasty, and turbinoplasty to correct it. Free. I breathe great now and my nose no longer curves like the letter C. And of course I got paid to sit in my room and play videogames as I recovered.

5. Stability

Speaking of getting paid for doing nothing, guess what happened during Covid? Everything was shut down, no training, no work, NOTHING for 3 months ALL WHILE STILL GETTING PAID. I was having the time of my life. 3 months of paid vacation. And yes we got the government stimulus checks too. Why? No clue but I wasn’t complaining.

Worried about getting fired? Unless you pop hot on a drug test or murder someone, it’s not going to happen.

6. Vacation

1 month a year. Paid. That’s pretty darn good y’all. And you can stack it up to 60. You can take a two month long paid vacation every two years if you wanted. I personally never took PTO during holidays because there was no work to do anyways once everyone left. More money to do nothing. TBH, a lot of the military is getting paid to do nothing. Thats not to say there aren’t opportunities to be proactive, as there certainly are. You set your pace in the military.

7. School

Ok most people already know that the military will pay for your school, but did you know they will give you housing allowance so you can go to school FULL TIME? That is what I am currently doing. I am going to a private college for dental hygiene. 56k tuition is covered and for the next 2 years I will be receiving 1,900 a month as my housing allowance. Tax free obviously. Now nothing is technically stopping me from working, but I don’t have to. That 1900 covers my expenses. If I had family here (I don’t), I could live with them. I’d still get $1,900 in housing allowance regardless.

Once my school is over I’ll be making more money than I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve seen offers up to 65$ an hour here in Louisville, one of the cheapest places in the country.

I had absolutely no desire to go to college up until a few months ago. Your college benefits can be given to your wife or your kids. You don’t have to use them on yourself. You can divide it up amongst multiple dependents if you wish.

8. Bonuses

I got a 20k bonus when I enlisted. About 4k of that was for the job I chose (infantry). The other 16k was for shipping out to basic training within a week of passing MEPS. They gave me 16k just to leave immediately, something I wanted to do already anyways.

When I reclassified to MI for my second contract, I got another 9k bonus. Some people are getting 40k bonuses. They can be huge. I had 25k in the stock market as a dumb 19 year old within the first year in the military.

9. SUMMARY: The people and adventure

You will meet some of the worst people you’ve ever met and some of the best people you’ve ever met in the military. You will have crazy experiences you will remember for the rest of your life. From shooting tens of thousands of rounds, to rappelling from helicopters, to things I can’t even talk about. Getting out of the military was one of the best days of my life, but if I could go back in time, I’d not change a single thing. I have no idea where I would be in life if I didn’t join. I had no goals. No desires. No purpose. No interests. I didn’t have the slightest clue what the hell I was going to do. Tbh, I’m still very much figuring out my life. But what I have now is direction, security, money, and options.

It’s really not as hard as you think it is. Some people love it, by the way. They stay their whole lives. I didn’t. Obviously. But some do. You might be one of them. At the very least, you’ll have food, shelter, and money for the next few years.

Before you join, look at the range of jobs available. Do your research. Pick something that aligns with your interests or personality. Pick something that may translate to a civilian job once your contract ends. Do a little exercise if you need to meet the physical requirements for entry. It won’t take long. I passed them first try (again as a frail 110lb male).