havent had a panic attack in months and its killing me

i know it sounds weird, but i feel like a panic attack would finally make me feel relieved.

i used to have lots of panic attacks, when it was bad, even multiple a day. basically couldnt cry without having one. and i remember its horrible, im very much aware of what it comes with. but i havent had one for months now and it feels like somethings stuck. whenever im crying it feels like it would need to come out but it doesnt. its a weird feeling. i had a something inbetween today, it was kind of just heavy crying, but not panic attack yet, and it somewhat relieved me, but i still feel that my feelings are "stuck".

anyone felt like this ?