How do i stop being so insecure?

I am filled with hatred for myself, and it sucks the joy out of everything. Any joy I do feel is quickly overshadowed by negativity.

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My biggest problem is insecurity. When other people try to help me, I end up snapping at them because I feel as though they don't believe I am competent.

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I am so worried that my boyfriends love is on a meter, and the more I do this, the closer that meter is to fully draining. Understandably so.

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I am so miserable. I feel mindfulness is only a distraction from my true miserable self and I don't know how to cut these problems out entirely.

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Any advice is appreciated please.