Mad that I can’t be done with it all

I’m at a fancy mental health facility that allows phones and I’m pjssed that I can’t be done with it all today. I’m ready. I just feel like my life is only down from here - m32- I had a nearly yearlong manic episode and the recovery and depression has been brutal. I was taken against my will to a hospital in nyc and then agreed to meds and then agreed to come here. I do think that we can’t know another’s pain, and I think I’ve had my fill of suffering for this lifetime and don’t see a good future for myself. I’m ready for the afterlife and not sad about goodbyes as I’ve thought about this so much for years, but I’m pissed it might take me months to get to the point of doing it. Especially if I talk about it with family or anyone here.