Would women rather marry a man who earns more or one who is home more?
God bless you dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ.
Over the last year I've been discerning marriage and trying to prepare myself for that vocation. I've made a lot of changes in my life to improve myself and become more approachable and, hopefully, a better future husband.
One thing I've been thinking about a lot is balancing my duty to provide for a future family with my desire to be present for my wife and children.
I'm 25M and never finished school. Instead, I got my CDL and started driving trucks. What appealed to me was the responsibility, the time management, the long hours, my genuine interest in trucks, and the opportunity to earn more than minimum wage while doing something important.
The problem is that many of the better-paying jobs in the industry come with very demanding schedules. Some keep you away from home for weeks or even months at a time, and many are quite dangerous as well.
Personally, I want a close relationship with my future wife and children. I don't want to be the husband and father who is never home. At the same time, I would like to be able to provide enough that my wife could stay home with the children if she felt called to do so.
Right now I work around 10–12 hours a day and still have a decent amount of free time, but my income would likely not be enough to support a family on a single income.
I also have the opportunity to train as a railroad conductor. The pay would be roughly three times what I earn now, with similar working hours, but the tradeoff would be being on call for extended periods and having a very difficult sleep schedule.
The training would take about two years, so if I'm going to pursue it, now would be the time.
Because I converted as an adult and have very little dating experience, most of what I know comes from secular dating rather than Catholic courtship and discernment.
So I'd like to ask the Catholic women here: when discerning a potential husband, what qualities do you value most?
How much importance do you place on income and career versus being present and available for family life? If you had to choose between a man who earned significantly more but had a difficult schedule, and a man who earned less but was home more often, how would you view that?
I'm simply trying to gain some perspective as I continue discerning both marriage and my career path.
Thank you in advance, and God bless you. 🙏
Posted Jun 12, 2026, 8:24 PM UTC