Food: nutella and strawberry crepe that I photographed from way too close. 

Long-time lurker, first-time poster. I'm at a transition point in my life and I feel like my spouse is not keeping up. 

&#x200B;

I (F29) have been with my husband (M29) for 5 years now, and married for 2 years. We started out long distance and he moved from where he was living with his parents to be with me once he finished his degree. We met online and share a lot of hobbies. Initially things were fine and I felt like everything would be better when we eliminated the distance (we were on opposite sides of the country, so visiting was financially straining). When he moved in I gave him some grace on being in a new area and not immediately having work. He moved for me and my existing job, not for the great job opportunities here. 

&#x200B;

It started with little things like him telling me he didn't want to cook because he "didn't know how" and "didn't enjoy it". I told him I don't enjoy cooking much either but we have to make food to live and this is part of living on your own. I've been living without family support since I was a teenager and I'm pretty independent. He does help, including doing some chores around the house and caring for our dogs but it's not really proportional for someone who doesn't have any work or school commitments. We have no children but we do have 2 dogs. When each of our dogs were puppies he spent a few hours each day cumulatively taking them in and out to the bathroom and making sure they didn't destroy the house, but now that they are adults there is much less work involved. Most days when I come home from work he's on his phone or playing video games. He has looked for jobs but we both agreed that since we are now relocating soon that he should wait and find something in our new city. 

&#x200B;

He does have ADHD and depression, and he was unmedicated for much of our relationship until I advocated for him to get help with it. It's been easier to get him to do tasks now but I still feel like I'm his mother rather than his partner. I work around 60 hours a week at my primary job and I also have some side hustles to help support us financially. He doesn't want to work a minimum wage job just to have a job, because he thinks it won't be worth the time spent. I had really wanted help when he moved in and to have most of the housework done considering he doesn't work. Everything I want done I have to plan or orchestrate and it takes more effort to get him involved than just doing it myself. 

&#x200B;

We have talked about this. He has tried to make improvements, and I notice, but I feel like it's going to completely fall apart if he gets any form of employment. If he can barely help around the house with no other obligations, how will he do both that and work? I work as a physician. I'm finally moving up in my career after over 10 years of school and residency, and will have significantly better pay and hours soon. We have to move for me to accept this job and I bought a new house. I am scared that once we move, he will be even more comfortable doing nothing to help. He has a master's in a STEM field and he isn't dumb. I don't understand how to get out of this without completely blowing up the relationship.

Feeling like it isn't going to get better