I need some outside perspective because I’m honestly torn. A little background: I never knew my father growing up. My mom raised me by herself, and I didn’t meet him until I was 18 years old after deciding to look for him myself. At first, things seemed okay. I met two of my younger half-sisters, and I was hopeful that maybe I could finally have a relationship with my dad. But about three months into getting to know each other, things changed. He told me that his wife felt like I was taking time away from “his family,” so if we were going to see each other, it had to be on his terms. Most of the time, he wanted to meet up when he could “sneak away.” One day, he called me and said he was 15 minutes away from my house and coming to visit. I told him that day wouldn’t work because my mom was over. For context, my parents absolutely cannot be around each other. I suggested we get together another day. He got upset and accused me of choosing my mother over him. He pointed out that he had driven an hour to see me, while my mom lived only five minutes away and could easily leave. I told him no. My mom had been the one who raised me my entire life, and I wasn’t comfortable asking her to leave my home because a man I had only known for three months suddenly decided to show up unannounced. I told him those were my boundaries and they needed to be respected. The conversation escalated. He called me ungrateful. I told him that he didn’t get to dictate my relationships after only being in my life for three months. Looking back, I regret how harsh my words were. A week later, I reached out and apologized for how things had unfolded. A week after that, he responded and said he didn’t appreciate my disrespect, that none of his other children had ever spoken to him that way, and that he thought it would be best if we no longer had contact. He wished me luck in life. I was devastated. I cried to my mom and my finance at the time and then… I never heard from him again. Ten years passed by. I got a Facebook message from one of my half-sisters telling me that my father had unexpectedly died. I didn’t know what to feel. I had spent years holding onto this tiny hope that maybe one day he would call, apologize, or decide he wanted a relationship with me. His death meant that possibility was gone forever. That same half-sister invited me to the funeral home to support the family while they made arrangements. When I arrived, I met my father’s two older sisters for the first time. They informed me that my father had told them about our falling out and that while I was welcome to attend the funeral, I wasn’t welcome to participate in the planning or be “up there” with the family. I was stunned. These women had never met me, yet they had already formed opinions about me based on one side of a story. I felt so unwelcome that I called my husband to come be with me to see if he can help try and smooth things over, he couldn’t. Couple days later, I attended the funeral, but it was incredibly awkward. Everyone was embracing each other, sharing memories, and grieving together, while I felt like an outsider looking in. Like a black sheep in a room full of people who belonged. Fast forward to now (close to 2 years after the funeral). I still keep in touch with two half-sisters and two cousins once every blue moon. One of those cousins recently invited my children and me to her son’s birthday party. Here’s my dilemma: I’ve declined about five family events because I’m scared of walking into another situation where I’m blindsided by hostility from relatives I don’t know. I especially worry about my children being exposed to that. They didn’t ask for any of this. Some of my friends think I shouldn’t go because protecting my peace and my kids’ emotional well-being comes first. Others think I’m being unfair by lumping everyone together and that the relatives who continue to invite me are genuinely trying to build a relationship with me. So, would I be wrong if I didn’t go? Or am I letting past hurt prevent me from building relationships with family members who actually want me in their lives?

After years of rejection from my father’s side of the family, am I wrong for keeping my distance?