I’ve never felt so depressed in my life. Ever.

I have had PTSD since I was 8 years old. I’m 19 now and I honestly feel terrible now. I don’t know why it’s getting worse. I’ve had every therapy under the sun and it hasn’t helped. I’ve tried multiple medications. Nothing has helped.

The only thing that shuts the trauma and the self hatered and the want to just die is alcohol. And I don’t have any. I have barely slept in days and when I have it’s just been nightmares. I’ve been super anxious. I’ve felt extremely suicidal. I have felt super embarrassed over everything I do.

I have no one to talk to. I haven’t been able to get out of bed in a while. My life’s honestly destroyed. I want to be able to function. I want someone to care about me. I feel like everyone’s out to get me and hurt me and make fun of me. I’m honestly really close to having a breakdown.