Am I enlightened or did I become avoidant and/or narcissistic? Ahahahahaha

I'm 24F and about to be 25 this October. I just realized that I'm not attracted to anyone anymore. Unlike when I was younger, anyone who gives me a small amount attention becomes a crush or any small interaction done with kindness made me overthink. Yes, I'm straight (I kissed both a man and a woman while I was clubbing - nothing) and I still appreciate a handsome man.

I'm the golden child... The nice, easy friend and a lover girl. I used to have so much love to give but everytime I get dissapointed or hurt by a lover, family or a friend, it freezes my heart bit by bit. My anxious attachment changed, I'm not going to lie. I think I unknowingly fixed my mental health too omg ahahah

I have boundaries, I don't care much anymore, and now, I don't think I'm even thoughtful anymore. I'm still generous but I do it out of self satisfaction, not because I want to please others.

Every month, I'm out of town, taking myself on solo trips or with family instead of the usual which is hosting dinner parties every week for friends. I became "me first".

Now, no man interests me. No one interests me even as a potential friend. I tried to make myself smaller and fit a mold to be more digestible but now, to hell with it. Intimidated? be very scared! I don't care anymore.

I focused on myself and now, everything turns me off or even annoys me.

This is my concernm.. I want to have a crush ngl, but everything is bland and bleghhhh! Hahahaha

( di ako ganun kaganda para mag inarte pero AHAHAHA hindi na din ako ka concern sa opinion ng iba abt sa looks ko kumpara nung hs. Cured na ata utak ko ahahaha)