Cough OCD?

(22f) have had mysterious, chronic throat problems since age 15. They've been labeled as anxiety, reflux, and allergies, but i've never taken any of those labels seriously, haunted by a fear that it's something much worse. Right now, the symptom of the year is a chronic cough. That's what leads me to become convinced I have OCD in addition to whatever may be physically wrong.

You see, the weird thing is that this I cough CONSCIOUSLY and VOLUNTARILY. It's more than a habit. It's a soul-sucking, 24/7, never-ending nightmare. Despite my best efforts, I cannot stop myself from deliberate, unnecessary coughing. I know why I do it: I have the urge to "test" my throat. I keep trying to gauge what a "normal" healthy cough-on-command sounds like. I will experiment with coughing in all different positions (sitting, standing, lying down) and analyze the sound of it endlessly. If it gets to the point where I just gag on nothing, I feel terrified, and my old fear of throat cancer surfaces and makes me feel like I'm trapped in a hell with no way out.

Every day is the same. I wake up, and I feel the dreaded sensation with no name in my throat. I try to avoid coughing as long as I can by tightly clenching my teeth and keeping my hands on my upper chest. That's the only way I don't feel the ever-present tension in my throat. Sometimes, I even resort to clutching the front of my neck to avoid that horrible feeling. Eventually, though, I have to let go of myself so I can be around other people, and then I start habit-coughing again. I usually end the day by coughing myself to sleep and hoping that when I wake up, things will somehow be different. But at all times, about 50% of my mental energy is spent on the topic of coughing: how to avoid another coughing fit, compulsions, OCD-like rituals to avoid coughing, etc.

The more I give in to my urge to cough, the more addictive the urge becomes, and the less able I am to resist it. The only thing that really helps is distraction--when I get lost in a task, I forget to cough--but the second the distraction is over, I feel the overwhelming urge to cough again.

I don't think other people realize how much I cough. I'm very good at hiding it. And that's what makes this so isolating.

I have developed an elaborate system of rituals that I somehow, vainly, think will end my coughing compulsions. I recite little mantras. I stare hard at certain objects and think to myself "That's a sign that I am done coughing." I rip up pieces of paper that I write "I'm done coughing" on so that it seems like my compulsions will end. This happens hundreds of times a day. At my worst, like now, I have to wade through my compulsions every three to five minutes. There is truly no end to this nightmare. No end in sight. I FEEL SO HOPELESS.