Mt. Olive dill pickle spears and mozzarella slices. 

TLDR: I’m a bi woman in a committed relationship with a cis het male, and I’m terrified to seek out queer friendship/enter queer spaces bc I feel like I’m not allowed to any they’ll reject me. 

Okay now here’s the way toooooo long rambling with a bunch of details/background that probably doesn’t matter

I come from a conservative family (Roman Catholic). I was deeply invested in religion until I was about 13. Went to church twice, sometimes three times a week, between attending with my grandma and at school(went to the parish school from 3rd - 8th grade). I was ignorant by design. Thought homosexuality was a sin and abortion was murder and masturbation was evil. 

I didn’t meet any openly gay people until I started high school (all girl Catholic school lol I only stayed there for like a month though). By then, I didn’t think it was wrong and was educated on what abortion actually is. I was starting to distance myself from the religion I was indoctrinated into, but the shame was hardwired at that point. 

I realized when I was like 14 that all girls didn’t think about/see other girls the way I did. I knew I was bi and I cried when I told my mom but she was like yeah duh. I never felt the need to officially come out to anyone else, just figured they’d find out whenever I got a girlfriend.

I talked to a lesbian for a bit when I was 15, I really liked her, like a lot, but I guess she only liked straight girls (fml). I won’t get into that. I talked to a guy after that who ended up being my first kiss (wish it had been the girl) but I didn’t date anyone until I met my “ex.” Quotations bc I try not to think of her as an ex since she was 32 and I was 17 when we met and I lost my virginity. Yeah. Barf. That’s a whooooole other story 🥲

I was in that… situation… until I was 21. I moved states under the guise of staying with my grandma, who moved out here prior, while going to school and I never looked back. It wasn’t actually that simple, but again, that’s a whole other story. This was in 2020 while everything was locked down for Covid. I got on the apps to meet people in the area. I happened to befriend a man and we got along great and started hanging out a lot (and sleeping together). 

I’ve never been very good at making friends. Social anxiety and kind of a weirdo. So I’ve always made like one friend and then stuck with them and only them. I’ve tried to make friends at the various jobs I’ve had here, but for whatever reason, we always end up just being social media acquaintances. 

Me and the aforementioned man ended up together in 2021, he bought a house, I moved in, and we now have a 7 month old baby. 

The combination of losing my identity in motherhood and it being pride month has me feeling extra isolated from queerness. I’ve toyed with the idea of going to my local lesbian bar for years(it literally closed last year so missed that bus) but never went because like, a baddie going to a lesbian bar alone? What if somebody hits on me? How are they going to respond when I tell them I’m in a relationship and oh I didn’t bring my partner here bc he’s a man 🤪 “so why are you in a lesbian bar?” Pleeeaaase I just want to be around queer women. Same with queer events. Idk. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Is the bi hate an online thing or is it pretty prevalent in physical queer spaces too?

That’s enough of that. If you made it through to the end, here’s a platonic kiss to your forehead 😚 go drink some water

Desperate for queer community