i got sober and i got my degree and i cut off all the bad influences and i got a job.

i’ve never felt more empty in my life. i get no joy out of anything, it’s like im not even human anymore. i can laugh with people and chat, but i feel so distant and sad. it’s like im behind a glass pane and so i can’t touch anyone or feel their emotions, im disconnected. i’m tired all the time and no amount of sleep fixes it. i smoke like a chimney but don’t even care about myself enough to stop. i have no friends, never go out. i have no interest in anything anymore. i used to draw, do my makeup, go out, cook. now i just lay in bed at the weekends because im too tired to do anything. it’s not just the tiredness though, i use that as an excuse. i just don’t want to do anything. i thought it was laziness, but now im not so sure. i just wanna die to be honest. i wish i could just die. i get sad that i don’t have friends, yet can’t bring myself to reach out to anybody. i feel guilty for not doing my hobbies, but i don’t even fucking care anymore. what’s the point? my life is shit because i deserve it. i dont even think that in a whiny feeling sorry for myself way. i’m not sorry for myself, i dont really feel anything about myself. i used to hate myself but i dont feel that strongly about myself anymore. i just am. in the same way plankton is. just drifting around not making an impact on anything.

i hate the way my moods change though, especially recently. i’m getting angry at people again. i don’t even know why. i just wanna fucking die im sick of everything