Updated: My husband Coerced me into adultery

Hey everyone!

So last year or earlier this year I wrote a post explaining the abuse my husband had been putting me through and I had just been waking up to it. But I’m back and I can talk through it now. I deleted my original post because I had felt guilty and the comments were brutal but ultimately what I needed so thank you everyone even those who told me I was stupid because you were right.

Context:

My husband and I met in high school when I was very young. He was nice to me so I thought that he might’ve been different but I was so wrong. Our relationship was like any normal teenage relationship and became physical quickly which I initiated. I grew up in a strict home so my curiosity around sex and physical intimacy made me rush into something I was too immature for. Covid came and he graduated but we kept dating. Everything had seemed to be normal and he was putting in effort.

It started slow, calling me stupid nicknames at first like stinky and saying a joke was dumb so I let my guard down. It moved into lightly poking and smacking me on the butt which I thought was normal. When I graduated high school he started talking about having kids which I told him no because I wasn’t working yet and had enrolled in college.

We had what I believed was a good conversation about finances and how they needed to be better to have a baby since they’re expensive. I’d watched babies in the past so I knew more than he did as he had zero experience with newborns and infants. He ended up getting a better job after I dropped out of school and started working more and then asked again for kids to which I said no. He asked me why and I said I wanted to move away from living with his mom so we could have clear set boundaries that could be maintained easier. His mom had issues with boundaries and personal space.

I had made it explicitly known that I also wanted to be married before kids since I had grown up in a broken home and did not want the same for my children. That was the beginning one of the two reoccurring arguments since I kept “changing the conditions” of when I would give him children. He would complain to everyone and everyone was on my side to wait. Well, we got engaged the next year and were engaged for three years. Two years into our engagement he randomly asked me if I remembered joking to him that I was in a polyamorous relationship with my old high school friends I no longer talked to. I said yes and wondered why he brought that up.

He proceeded to sit me down and then tell me that he was thinking about it and wanted me to participate in a cheating fantasy. Summed up, he wanted me to message, send pictures, and even meet up and have sex with other men and women and then come home to him or have him pick me up as a “diss” to which he would then have sex with me after. We had dived into many role playing scenarios in the past and I asked him if we could role play without me actually talking to other people since the idea made me uncomfortable. He told me no, I had to actually do it because it wouldn’t be the same otherwise.

I asked him why he wanted me to do this and he said because he “felt bad he took away my how phase since I took your virginity in high school and you haven’t been with anyone since.” I told him no, I was fine and that I wasn’t that girl. He kept begging. Constantly texting me, over calls, and in person whenever we were alone he’d ask me. It got to the point if I said no he would ghost me in real life so I finally agreed. I downloaded an app and messaged a guy, we seemed to hit it off but I got a bad vibe and chickened out. I deleted everything and told my husband “no, I’m not doing this.” He was disappointed but seemed to be okay.

Three weeks later on the dot he brings it up again over text, I tell him no again. We run through the same argument where he somehow makes me feel guilty and I agree. I meet a great guy, his name was Cody. I remember thinking he was cuter than my at the time fiancé and our personalities actually meshed really well. My husband seemed to take notice since I would text Cody over him and my husband told me to block him immediately. I said no he can’t chicken out because this is what he wanted so I’m going to do it. He told me if I did this he would consider it cheating and break up with me so I blocked him.

I cried that night and he comforted me as I felt I lost someone who actually cared about me. As this is all going down there’s drama between our families and I start distancing myself from mine. My husband tells me three weeks later if I sleep with someone else he would be willing to wait to have children. Well it happens again where I’m guilted into agreeing and then I chicken out because I know deep down this is wrong.

We got married a couple months after the third incident and I got pregnant almost right away. I thought to myself “great he won’t ask me to dk that anymore since I got pregnant.” Wrong. Then he was bringing it up only during sex. If he brought it up outside of us having sex I would walk out of the room or change the subject so he would wait.

He would then during sec for me to sleep with somebody else. I kept saying no. I would then tell him to stop having sex with me which he wouldn’t stop. This continued even as I was pregnant, he wanted me to make app accounts while pregnant and then that way after we had our baby I could meet up with people once I “felt ready.” I said no because my baby would need me and that it was wrong. It got to the point he stopped having sex with me unless I talked about having sex with other people. Eventually our baby was born and labor was rough.

I initially went into labor three days before but a relaxed medication stalled it. I got induced, labored actively for almost 20 hours and then pushed for almost 40 minutes to bring them into this world. I almost had to have an emergency c-section due to babies heart rate and my own lack of oxygen. I was out on a mask and had to start pushing before I was fully dilated. Once my baby was born I only held her long enough for the cord to be cut before they took them from me and shoved me full of gauze. My mom and doctor both told me I hemorrhaged and my epidural was long wore off and I felt every stitch for my second degree tear. After I was cleared and I finally got to hold my baby for real I realized I didn’t ever want to have another baby’s hemorrhaging gets worse with each pregnancy and I didn’t want to die to leave my kid(s) without a mother.

When I told my husband he just said “we’ll see. They need a sibling.” My PPD was horrible and I had the night let downs and felt myself rejecting my baby due to how bad the depression and anxiety was. I got back in with my psychiatrist and it got better. But of course, in fashion. Three weeks later he begins to bring it up. Same argument, I get convinced again and three months postpartum I go through with it twice. I then have a horrible bodily reaction and scream at him that if he ever brings it up again I will divorce him.

Months go by and he gets so mean and pokes and smacks my thighs aggressively saying he “can’t help it.” It left bruises you could help it. He calls me stupid, a whore, a slut, annoying, bitch, and honestly the list goes on. I’m so unhappy my body is just shutting down to sleep all the time. But he wakes me up because he only wants to spend time with me while I’m tired.

I used to talk to my family about most things but stopped because I was “creating conflict.” Between him in my family when I discussed things he did so I stopped talking to my family. I would see my grandpa on weekdays and he would blow up my phone calling and asking where I am and to hurry because he couldn’t handle the baby.

Well months go on this way of me being isolated from friends and family and him going through my phone to see what I’m saying before I get to sit down with people I care about. It ends up coming out most of what he did and I say I want to leave. We come up with a plan, he was leaving for a work trip soon and I could use that time to run. I grieved the relationship a lot but knew I was doing it for me and my baby. He found out, he hacked my iPad and read everything and then begged me on the ground not to leave and I don’t know why but I agreed.

He told me I could no longer visit any of my family or friends because they didn’t support our marriage and if I did I’d break his trust. Well, he left in the trip and I really thought about our marriage and realized this isn’t what I want for myself so I told his mom I was leaving him and I left. I packed only what me and my baby needed and I left. I’ve been cordial for the most part but his family is saying I’m cruel and heartless for leaving him while he needs me and for breaking apart my family but I don’t care anymore. I’m not staying quiet, I’m not going to be pushed over anymore.

He abused me, plain and simple and he no longer has that control over me anymore. Once he’s back from his work trip I’m filing for divorce and I’m not looking back. I’m already a lot happier and my skin has cleared up a ton as well. Thank you to everyone in the past who reached out with resources you all are the realest ones. And if anyone reading this thinks this sounds kind of familiar and that you might be a part of this? If you didn’t me I wish you the best.

Thanks 😊

PS. I am safe and sooooo happy