AITA for refusing to send my overseas brother ANYTHING after everything he put me and my sister through following our mother’s death?

I feel like this needs a lot of explanation, so this story will a big and chunky one. Sorry really sorry in advance.

Me (34F) and my sibling (31F) were raised by our single mother. She has a older son (51M) who lives in South-America with his girlfriend and 7 kids. She met my dad when she was 28 and moved to Europe. My brother’s father was really manipulative and cruel. They shared custody and she had good confidence that he would send him after her (my mom was really a nice person and, to her bad luck, always believed in the good of people). His dad never did and said horrible lies about her, but in the meantime she tried to get him here, but my dad wasn’t a great man either and she got divorced when my sister was 1 year old.

After that divorce, we lived in poverty. Money was tight and my mom was 100% dismissed from work because of physical issues. We lived off welfare. But she always made sure we were well fed, correctly and good clothed and had everything we needed. She always cooked food for people or made something creative and sold it. That’s how she would hussle for decades.

When I was 20, she saved up enough money to visit my brother for the first time since she moved. His dad passed away and he became very sick. They mended everything, she took care of him and we learned how their relationship was after that trip: loving and kind and since my mom would do everything for her kids (this will be important later into the story), my sister and I got acquainted with my brother but never physically had seen him.

Mind you, living in poverty and economy tickets being around 3000 Euros, it’s not simple to buy a ticket and go visit him.

Fast forward to 2026, my mom passed away after a severe battle with cancer at the age of 69. We knew she would eventually pass on this year, but it really caught us off guard.

But because we knew she was sick, before she passed away, our family members overseas felt that my brother needed to see his mom for the last time. So that happened in February 20th this year. He left March 20th. It was the first time I would ever meet him (my sister and I were in a bad fight at the moment, so my husband and I picked him up alone). I cried and laughed because he was smaller than me and felt amazing. I could finally be the smaller sibling instead of being the oldest.

A little backstory on my brother, he is a amateur rapper. He has 7 kids and lives a “harsh” life where he lives. He lives literally rent-free in the house of my aunt and has physical issues. But he says he’s a handyman and doesn’t work a 9-to-5. His girlfriend doesn’t work because he doesn’t want to (his reason: guys would be checking her out -_-‘).

So my brother usually asked my mom for money and my mom would send cargo boxes full with stuff for him and his family. Like regularly……. At least twice a month. One shipment with stuff and one shipment with medication for his illness. Again….. my mom lived in poverty until the day she died. She tried to help him everywhere she could and even after her death, was trying to help him (my mom was selfless and I hated it for her. She deserved way more than she gave T-T).

My mom scraped that money all the time and would eat bread for an entire month. My sister and I helped my mom by cooking or buying groceries. I drove her everywhere and even bought her a motorcycle for mother’s day so she would be mobile again (she drove that thing for 16 years until she passed away).

So my brother came to Europe with no money and a suitcase. It was fun and he even tried to mend the relationship between me and my sister (at the end, he tried to make our relationship even worse, but me and my sister prevailed hahaha!!).

He stayed with me for the entire month. My mom was too weak to have him over, seen she was on morfine and oxygen. My stepfather also took care of my mom, which was brutal but he did an excellent job ( side note: Praise be with him! He is the light of our lives and was a true blessing to my mom for 18 years! Love him so much and I am so proud of him!)

But the month he was with me, he didn’t contribute to nothing, but since it was for my mom, I let it slide and payed for everything: food, gifts for his family, new clothes, even his green grass (please understand what I mean hihi. Think of Snoop Dogg, that would say enough). I do not smoke that, but since it’s legal, I could buy him that.

That month was draining on me and my husband but we made it work for him. So April came along. I had beef with the best friend of my mom, the rest of her neighborhood and my sister. Extra stress but I tried to hold on for my mom who was declining in health.

My stepfather called me and I remember that call vividly!

Stepfather: “-my name-, We all know your mom isn’t going to make it to the end of the year. But we can’t leave your brother there if she dies. I have an idea that maybe can help to get him here.”
Me: “oh, so that is what my brother was talking about when he said he wanted to fly over?”
Stepfather: “Yes. You know that the funeral insurance had 1500 euros left over after the service, right? And that your mom said you should share it between your siblings? Well, if your brother would ask people to lend him the money to fly over and use his share to pay off the ticket, are you willing to give up your share to pay the rest of the ticket?”
Me: “ofcourse. Anything for moms but will -sister- put her share in too?”
Stepfather: “Yes, but it will be a part of your share. He will give up his entire share and you and -sister- a part of it.”

Keep this convo in mind because we all agreed to this and knew of the agreement correctly. This convo is really important!

The last day, my sister and I made amends and were good again. We told our mom, since it was her last wish that my sister and I would be fine again. She saw it and was really happy. She was proud of us and with the last bit of energy she had, she gave us a hug and told us how proud she was of both of us and if we would fight like that ever again, she would hunt us. I left, never knowing it would be the last day that I would see her. But that evening, my mom called me. She had a little more energy and told me this in one entire sentence:

“-my name-, I’ve heard what you and -sister- are trying to do. I appreciate it but please don’t do it. He already had seen me alive. Just take the money and share it between you three. Let him take his share and enjoy his life. I just want you all to be happy and if he wants to come, let him pay for it instead. I told you to take care of everything if I’m gone. I don’t want you to take that extra burden of taking care of him. Please -my name- don’t do it. It will be hard enough okay? Love you and see you tomorrow.”

I would never see her alive. She passed away the day after (April 25th). The neighbor called me that my stepfather yelled that my mom wasn’t breathing that morning. And I called my sister. I picked her up. My husband called my brother to tell him the news.

It was a painful experience but I was happy that my sister and I were supporting each other.

The next day my stepfather called me, asking if we still wanted to let him fly over, even though my mom said not to. We all felt it was fair to him to say his goodbye and send her off properly. So my aunt (my father’s sister), a friend from my mom (living in the same country as my brother) and my older nephew (also living there), put in 1200 euros. My aunt put in 600 euros. The rest evenly 300.

(Sorry for the long explanation, the drama starts here)

But my brother was being weird. I found on a website with ticket deals a ticket of 900 euros. Just economy class, just a little suitcase and a handbag. He said his visa was taking forever so we had to push forward the funeral to May 6th (which is way too long). And he wanted to bring a large suitcase. I asked him why but he said because he didn’t want to live of people when he was here. I told him, it would cost another 125 euros and I didn’t had it (my bills were payed, life happened, money was low). And besides, it was a funeral, not a vacation. But he called my sister, my father, my stepfather, my nephew and everyone else that he needed that large suitcase. So my nephew sent me the extra money and I had to pay for a more expensive ticket (1365 euros in total). He left that Saturday and landed Sunday. We picked him up again (my sister was asleep and couldn’t get up so me and my husband went). We asked him if he wanted to see mom in the funeral home. He said yes and we went. That would also be the last time me and my siblings would be cool together because it went down like a snowball.

From that moment until the funeral, he made some remarkable comments:

“-nephew- said he gave that money instead of lending it.”
“Did you know about the tablet mom had?”
“When will that money of the insurance come?”
“Hey, the vacuum cleaner from mom, can you send it to me?”
“Hey, did mom left me a ring too?”

I just blew it off and didn’t pay any attention to it because like hello??, I am grieving like what the helly?

After that, funeral. He was already pissed at me because I was in charge of everything and he didn’t had a task to do. I told him my mom wrote down her wishes and wrote that I needed to take care of literally everything, including the money and heritage. (Also, happy that I did because that piece of paper was a life saver).

He delayed the funeral with 15 minutes, which we need to pay for out of the insurance because he took a half hour to sing, rap and make an entire concert out of it. (Mind you 236 people at the funeral and 4000 people online).

After that, more interesting comments were made:

“Hey -my name-, remember that you and -sister- said in a emotionally state that you two would give me all the money? Since you and her live good here (he was referring to my two cars and my sister her Vespa scooter which we payed for, we are not rich. We live comfortably but not wealthy)”.
“-best friend of mom- said that he didn’t need his money back either.”
“Hey, moms second phone. She saved it for my girlfriend. Can I already take it?”
“I don’t understand why people don’t want to make music with me. People treated me like a celebrity at the funeral. But no one called…”

And so on, but this time I noticed and I was weirded out. So my sister and I had a convo and she was also like: we never said that (remember that agreement we had with our stepdad? We kept out promise).

So my best friend was also like: no. You two paid your part. Your aunt said she needed her 600 euros back. Those other two don’t want it back. So that means that his share is in that 600 euros and 50 euros each for your share. So it means that, if the insurance comes. He doesn’t get anything and you two will get 450 euros each.

The morning after, I called my nephew and that man to verify. Nephew said nope, don’t need it back. Best friend of moms said nope, just buy me a book and a cheap carpet cleaner. So after that convo, I confronted my brother and told him the numbers.

Brother: So I will get nothing?
Me: no, because we already discussed this with -stepdad-.
Brother: ‘laughs’. You can see you are the smartest out of the bunch.
Me: what do you mean by that?
Brother: don’t worry it’s fine okay?

And he stormed off to my living room. Threw my door and kicked my couch and called everyone he knew, even my nephew. So me and my sister recieved the same message: “the 300 euros is for -brother-. Please hand it to him in cash.”

We were baffled and after some arguments, we called my nephew that afternoon and explained to him what our agreement was (side note: my nephew also has contact with my stepdad). My nephew agreed with me and my sister because it was fair. He sent it to us on WhatsApp.

My brother was really pissed and was yelling and cursing. So my husband, already pissed off, drove him to my stepdad (he is still at my moms house, he will leave end of June).

Mothersday came and my stepdad called and asked (almost demanded) that we needed to talk. He was fed up with my brother but he didn’t wanted us to fight.

So we talked and yet another interesting comments were made by my brother:

“But, I thought -nephew- already knew of the situation. He said it was a surprise gift to me. But he’s mad at me because I said that I would get the 300 euros. Now he wants his money back (side note: nephew still said he didn’t want it back) and he wants to talk to me if I return. I didn’t know either. He said that it was a surprise. It was his idea, not mine.”

Sister: so you want to say that you and -nephew- played games with us?”

Brother: yes, but not me. He told me it was a gift and told -my name- it was a loan.

(Another side note: my nephew there and my oldest nephew here are almost the bosses in our family. In our generation, what they say goes, in a good way. So if they believe you or not, will predict your role in the family)

I was already fed up and my sister too. But my sister felt something was off. Knowing our nephew, he is really kind and true. He would never betray anyone, especially family. But me and my sister already lost trust in everyone.

My sister in those following days stayed persistent and thank everything in this world she was because the bomb that dropped after that, spiraled me and my sister into a serious system overload with the direction to a serious burn out.

I felt betrayed. Every day I told my brother he was a fraud, a scam, a con artist. My stepdad was also fed up with him and we came to the conclusion that he needed to go sooner than later (he left May 13th, originally would’ve left on June 10th because of the ashes). We were still grieving the loss of my mom and he was just talking about money and stuff. I showed him her food stamps, her debt slips, the money she sent him all these years, all those receipts (my mom hoarded stuff for him to sent in cargo boxes to him but also kept every letter and receipts, including the 34 YEARS(!!) of cargo receipts and money transfers)

So after this, my sister, being the awesome FBI that she was and called our two oldest nephews. The one that lives here in Europe called me. I told him the entire story and he started to cry. He was mad and devastated because he knew me and my sister were not scammers or frauds but he is. He called the entire family to say that about us (like dude, still grieving……). Even my friends and my father side of the family he called, when he was still staying in the house of my moms…………

The nephew living overseas called my sister. The BOMB DROPPED! He said:

“You know what pains me the most? I already told him that the way -my name- parted the money was fair. But he never told me about the agreement he made with your stepdad. He said that you and -my name- would give him everything. And after that he wanted to frame me as the main villain? Look, girls. We tolerated him for years, purely because of your mom. But he always conned everyone and I’m afraid he conned your mom and took advantage of her love and guilt. But don’t worry, if he’ll return Friday, I will say my peace of mind.”

Me and my sister flipped! We confronted him again and this time, it got physical between me and him. I completely lost my cool! And he felt it. It went home and came back the next day because I found pictures of him and my mom when he was young. I already told him, he can’t have anything because I already accepted the full heritage, including my moms debts.

We talked for hours and before I left, he had the balls to ask this: hey -my name-, you know, my girlfriend and you are like sisters(side note: never met or talked to the woman but okay). That second phone from moms, can’t she have it?

Me: Bro NOO! I already gave you an Iphone and a Android for you and -girlfriend- in February! Isn’t that enough?

Brother: yeah I know but mom promised her she would get it.

Me: boy bye! Have a nice flight!
And I drove off.

Btw.. in the hours of talking he also said some interesting comments again:

“When I return, I will build an extra room in my house.”
“I will ask for a welfare income for people with disabilities”
“…You receive gov money for kids every three months? Woow, we get it every month. Per kid.” (In February he said he got gov money once a year…..)

Friday came and my husband drove him to the airport, tried to ignore him during the ride, but happy he didn’t. Because these comments were severe:

“Hey -husband-, I have that welfare income for years.”
“I have that gov money at home, but sometimes it’s hard with 7 kids., but we manage..”

Let me do the math for you all because this story is immensely long already:

He receives 140 euros each month of that welfare check and 2000 euros in total of that gov money for kids. He is a really good handyman and his phone was blowing up with clients to book him if he returned.

Then tell me that you have no money, but asked my actually poor mom for 34 YEARS for money and medicine and stuff to have because you didn’t have any food. You actually did that for as long as I live??????

That day, I mentally collapsed, he exploited my mom for years and in the meantime he had money to live. My mom could have gone and seen the rest of the world already.

The texts he sent or told my mom were in the tone like: please mom I don’t have water running, I don’t have food. My car isn’t working, -girlfriend- is pregnant again and she really wants to eat *insert cravings*. And asking other family members for money in the meantime.

We lived in poverty and he knew that for years!

But even after he left, he still is asking my stepdad, my dad, my sister, even my friends if they will talk to me to send him my moms two tv’s, the vacuum and all the shoes my mom had to send for his girlfriend. He even wants me to pay for it! Like bro is you dumb?

So, AITH for not sending him shite overseas after he did that to us?

Sorry, this became immensely long but all the context was needed. And ty for reading. And btw he isn’t getting anything from me. My stepdad sent him the last three cargo boxes my mom would have sent if she were alive. I already wanted to open the boxes and sell everything to pay off the debts my mom left behind. But too bad.. I really feel like I needed to write this off my heart. My mom was an amazing human being, always thought of others instead of herself. I miss her every single day and since I am severely mentally exhausted and on the edge of being burned out, I needed this to start and heal. I already blocked him before he left and asked the rest of my family and friends to do the same since he is literally stalking them for money and stuff.

Thank you again for anyone that reads this already stupidly long story. I love you Charlotte and thank you for giving me the platform to rant and sob about this. Me, my sister and my stepdad can finally grief in peace.