I feel like my boyfriend doesn’t want me to drive his car. How do I approach this? (28F/43M)

I passed my driving test which I’m ecstatic about as I don’t have to burden people, including my boyfriend, anymore. Boyfriend doesn’t see it like this. He says driving me around makes him feel useful.

I’m still saving up for a car but my boyfriend has been letting me use his which I’m very grateful for. His mother lent him the money for the car and said she didn’t want him letting anyone else driving it. As a result, he refuses to tell her that we’re sharing the car. Not sure how this would work if we had a kid but whatever.

When I was learning he would make a joke that if I did any damage, I would have to make it up to him sexually. Very off-key and weird, I know. He can be awkward like that sometimes though but he’s harmless. Once I passed and paid for the insurance on his car, he said that if I did any damage it must now be paid in full and before his mother sees it.

That’s perfectly reasonable. The problem is he said it twice before and after I went on my first solo drive, and then he mentioned it again when he said he was going away for a few days. I think he may have said it another time too. It hasn’t even been a week since I passed.

Again, the concept is perfectly reasonable. If you damage something you pay for it. I just feel like repeatedly pointing this out when I even mention driving the car is to put me off opposed to anything else. I don’t want to drive it anymore as I feel like there’s a knife dangling over my head which sucks as it means I’m still reliant on him until I get my own car.

I don’t know how or even if I should bring this up. I do all the complaining in the relationship. When we met I often felt like a single mother. He has improved significantly over the years, but I’m also immature myself and really struggle with emotional dysregulation. Instead of being an adult and talking things through I shut down and isolate myself. It’s something I’ve been working on.

My boyfriend also most likely has undiagnosed autism and ADHD. He has very little confidence and self esteem. He has also been depended on heavily by those around him so he’s a people pleaser. There are also things he doesn’t see any issue with like his mother doing his washing and ironing for him. It’s because he helps her garden but his washing machine broke years ago and he never got it repaired. Same as various other things. He’s a genuinely lovely person though who is selfless but things like this caused a lot of friction as I just couldn’t understand how he didn’t understand that these were huge issues.

So I feel kinda stuck now. I could bring it up and be a difficult and miserable bitch like always, or stay quiet and deal with it. If I bring it up I know he’ll keep apologising, say he’ll do better, and I’m not even sure if I have any right to be feeling this way. I just want to be a good girlfriend. He even said he was happy I passed my test just so I wouldn’t be miserable. It’s abundantly clear that I am the cause of 90% of our problems. I don’t want to make it worse.

Tl;dr: Feel as if my boyfriend doesn’t want me to drive his car but I don’t want to cause a problem by bringing it up