UPDATE: I think my mom has BPD, what the hell do I do? I feel stuck

Hi everyone,

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So if you saw my last post, you can get an idea of my living situation. But basically, my mother has been suffering from odd mood swings driven my stress and alcohol. I have two disabled brothers with Level 3 Autism and they receive in home ABA 40 hrs a week, one of the therapists is having an affair with my mother which prompted me looking at her history and realizing she's been having multiple affairs throughout their marriage. She usually wants me to stay at home and watch my brothers/monitor the therapists while she leaves and goes out on the town with the guy (he quit like 6 months ago). She's very narcissistic and constantly wants external validation from others. Ever since finding out about these affairs, I have felt myself slowly becoming more and more stressed out. A week ago, mothers friend (who acts exactly like her) kid finally blew up, he ended up leaving to go stay with his divorced father since he couldn't take her behavior anymore.

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Earlier this morning, I was sitting in the office when my father walked in. He sat down and told me that he knew about my mother's text messages. He tried to confront her but she just lied. He also told me that he couldn't really leave her because that would leave me at the house with my brothers, which would put extra work than I'm already having. He went on to say that she's got some problems in the head, and that her alcoholism is fueled by anxiety. He wants her to actually tell the truth to her therapist, but she's so narcissistic that she doesn't want to admit anything. My brothers behavior is getting out of control, they're 16 and still walk around the house naked if they don't have their therapists monitoring them, one has been exhibiting self injurious behaviors as well but my parents don't want them going to a facility. He added that I should have a lot of options getting my masters degree from universities near us (he doesn't want me moving away even though I hate living here) and that my mother loves me very much and more than anything. A part of me thinks he said this because he doesn't want me blowing up like my mother's friend kid.

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I did tear up a bit because I'm not sure if he's gaslighting or not. On one hand, I do understand his actions, but on the other hand, I feel like this is still wrong somehow. He doesn't know she cheated earlier in the marriage or that she took credit for one of my paintings - he just thinks that if she stops drinking alcohol, she can get back on the right track. I know for a fact that she still texts the affair partner even when she's not drinking, so that theory is out of the window. I think he's still in denial. I don't think he's realized how dysfunctional our family is.