I’ve Made The Decision

I few months ago I made the decision to take my life when my parents go. I know they love me and I can’t bring that pain of losing a child on them.

For a while it really helped. I had a plan ya know? But now I’m stuck desperate to die but feeling guilty because my parents deserve to live as long as they want as happily as possible. But there’s a part of me that hates I have to stay alive for them. I do not want them go any time soon. I know it will be extremely hard and again they deserve nothing but to enjoy their life to the fullest.

So now every day I sit and grapple with the fact I have to stay alive for them, try not to resent them for this fact, try not to hate myself more because I made this decision, and fight the urge to just do it already.

I just had to get this out somewhere, thank you.