I always keep questioning If im cool enough to be schizophrenic ..

I am ill for 15 years now and the psychiatrists keep reassuring me that i suffer schizophrenia but i always feel like other people have it way worse with it..

I just learned that there is a lot of minor symptoms like mistrust or mild paranoia.. and i actually keep experiencing them all the time..

but other schizos have always those cool stories to tell what cool things they did or what they have seen.. for me the worst thing has been some shadow people or some out of body experiences 😔

I rather keep questioning if im just missing enlightment and other people are there to guide me to it.. also my psychotic episodes only take like some days instead of weeks or months ..

And when i keep seeing other schizos i always feel like they are so cool in their craziness. Like they keep their style and attitude through this .. i rather am pretty embarrasing and am having intense social anxiety in and out of episodes 😔