Starting to feel like I won’t make any friends

I (M26) am starting to feel like I’ll never make any meaningful friends. It seems like everyone is my friend due to proximity, not preference.

In hs nobody kept in contact with me after I moved to a new school when my parents divorced

I remember when my friends slowly stopped accepting my Skype calls or getting on the game.

I delayed my college graduation by like 3years, because I always heard that’s where you make your real friends.

I finally graduated in December because after 7 years, I still hadn’t made a friend that extended beyond class, and I didn’t want to be in school when profile I used to know are graduating with masters and doctorates in the time it took me to get a BA I didn’t even want.

I started working a new job an hour away from where I live, in a different county. I figured this would give me an opportunity to meet people on my own and maybe get shown cool places by my new coworkers who are local.

I’m approaching my 10th week here and it’s becoming apparent that’s not gonna happen.

There’s a new girl that started at my job about 2 weeks ago and she got sat right next to me.

Now for a little preface about my self, I think my lack of friends for so long has given me really bad anxiety. I used to get made fun of for the way I talk and it will make nervous to speak to people for the first time. I’ve picked girls up for dates and had them say “you sound different than I expected”

I thought I had gotten better at speaking, but when giving a presentation in my capstone senior class. The class got to critique your presentation and people said I sounded monotone and was dragging my words out. (Don’t get me wrong I appreciate the constructive feedback but I felt the room darken and my vision instantly tunnel when the first person said I sounded monotone)

So I was nervous to speak with this girl, but slowly started talking to her, and she was actually talking to me and starting conversations! She soon gave me her number, without me asking, because there was a personality test going around and we wanted to know what animal I was.

A little while later someone got mad at me for talking to her(which I think was the first sign of all this, because they’re always talking to each other, but it was an issue when it was with me) and she texted me again apologizing.

We started messaging a little and started a chess game but then she kinda stopped messaging me after going to wine night with the girls.

I was kinda jealous she got invited to an outing her first week there and I was on my 9th and nothing, but it was a girls night and she talks to me at work so it’s fine, what ever.

But then for some reason on Tuesday the next week, my broker took my desk next to her, and had me swap places with the other trainee.

This move wasn’t so bad as I really only moved across the aisle, my back is just now to her, but she’s basically stopped talking to me all together now that I’m not sitting next to her.

And again none of this would really be bad, if she wasn’t still always talking to the guy who sites next to me or the girls around her.

I think the worst part is I kept waiting for her to play me back in chess at work, but she started playing darts with the girls around next to her and has only played me back once since then.

And again this would all be fine, but I over heard them talking to her about an outing yesterday at work, and when I came in this morning, there was a large group of people talking about the night I wasn’t invited to.

I feel like people see me, and think I’m a good looking guy, so I must be suave and confident. But then they talk to me and I completely tarnish that first opinion and now they think I’m weird.

I’m so tired, I only get out into public when I go on tinder dates or hangout with my brother and his friends. And I try to enjoy hanging out with him and his friends, but they be making plans in their group chat and I’m only invited by my brother as an afterthought. It’s hard to be happy when I know I won’t be invited out to see these people for a couple more months meanwhile they’re out at festivals and celebrating Friendsgiving together.

Even now as I type this my brother tells me about what he did with his friends last night while I was in bed by 9:30.

I don’t expect anything to come from this, getting people to be my friend by complaining about having none isn’t what I want, but I feel like I’m missing out on so much and experiencing life through a window.