I did not realize this is what was happening to me for so long...

Narcists is not a term that ever came to mind for me, and, even now that I've read more, I still don't think it's the term I'd use to describe my two moms and sister (possibly one of my moms who has been the dictating financial over seer since she "saved us" from near poverty when my mother had 3 children way too early with an abuser).

But I can not deny how genuinely shocking it was to see how many experiences on here fit my lived experience to a major T. I realize now that this is the kind of family I am in and have been dealing with for a while. I am the scapegoat, and I am leaving. It'll be hard (I developed PTSD from a random gun violence incident on my campus where I nearly became collateral), but I've always been someone to figure my shit out when I: 1. want to not be in a toxic environment no matter the context and 2. when I'm getting treated like I'm useless, lazy, or incapable/not going to figure anything out.

I don't have friends (or even peers I'm 27) and I struggle to find non racist, sexist and accessible community (I'm in Atlanta, GA) so they feel completely comfortable ostracizing me and creating narratives around my behavior that I can't contend with.

I understand what's happening now which is a major relief because I thought this was just insanity (which in a way it is) but learning how un-unique my situation is has actually helped me in weird way and by so freaking much you guys can not believe.

My feelings of self-doubt are beginning to fleet at this point as I realize that they are simply just toxic people who need and feed on toxic energy, even if they have to make up malicious intent behind my behavior or use any moment I actually express that I'm upset with their treatment to conjure it up.