AITAH for wanting to know what it’s like being without my mom?

For context, I (17F) am the youngest and last to stay home, as my other three siblings moved away. without exaggeration, i’ve spent 95% of my life with my mom, no school as i’ve been homeschooled, no friends except for online, no outlets away from this woman. it’s the worst, i don’t know what life is like without her. and on the few occasions i’ve been away from her, like going to my sister’s for a week some years ago, my mom is mentioned. it’s as if i’m physically away from her but she’s still here.

and it genuinely gets to me sometimes. recently, she mentioned how when she gets to a BTS concert, she’s taking me no matter what because she doesn’t want to be alone. I don’t listen to BTS, not like I did 7 years ago, i’m not their fan, i wouldn’t enjoy that in the slightest. why would she want to go with me of all people, who won’t cheer and shout “I love Jimin!” from the top of my heart? i understand not wanting to be alone, but it feels like my boundaries are tossed aside for her comfort. not to mention the costs of tickets these days, being low-income and wanting to purchase an additional ticket, plus the expenses of the trip.

i can’t go many places alone either, which is understandable to an extent, but i’m a year away from becoming 18. i can’t go to the store that’s 30 minutes away because it’s not safe and it’s too far. if you ask me, nothing is safe anymore no matter your age. about three months ago, i couldn’t take it and snuck out to the store in the early morning, and got my phone confiscated for some time as well as scolded. i was even asked if i’m out meeting people, which actually hurt my feelings most to know my mom thought that low of me. sneaking out wasn’t the smartest move, but i did it anyway. she also tracks my location, while also texting me and confirming where i am, annoyingly enough.

i’ve begged months to go to my aunt’s house this summer, and i was finally given the OK to do so. but it’s not for a week, not even a month, not at all. it’s for a fucking weekend. an hour or more drive to spend a weekend, i’d rather not go and waste my aunt’s time honestly.

it got to a point where i sort of snapped recently. it was disrespectful of me to be rude to my mom, i’m aware, but i truly can’t handle having such an involuntary closeness to my mom like this. i asked if she could enjoy anything alone anymore, which i honestly didn’t mean in a rude way, but it came off as such judging off of how offended she got by it. maybe parents are reading this, wouldn’t you want some alone time?

majority of my family says that i have it best out of all of my siblings, and it’s not true at all. my siblings had freedom, maybe too much but they still did, they weren’t in a stuffy home living a mundane life. i get that life changed as well as the world outside, but i still deserve to live the childhood i dreamed of, even a little bit. it’s not that i don’t want a mom, i just want to experience life without her, to exercise my independency in life.

sorry if this is all jumbled up.