i look like a trans woman instead of a man

basically im a trans ftm and i look like im trying soooo hard to look like a woman and its so fucking awful and im not gonna downplay it because its killing me alive. literally T would save me but oh damn, my parents dont want me to mess with my body!! im just a stupid silly girl with internalized misogyny and i WILL have a husband and 5 kids when i get older because if you have an uterus then you have no free will. i just want t i dont wanna look like im trying to pass as a woman i look so disgusting. i cant even talk about how painful my dysphoria is (fuck all those people who say you dont need dysphoria to be trans. at that point just stay cis) because its too brutal and mean. I GO THROUGH THIS ON A DAILY BASIS. im gonna cut my breasts off and im gonna light my genitals on fire literally and i cannot take ts anymore i hate every second of this fuck you if you like being trans. literally fuck you. "you can have dysphoria as long as its not too mean otherwise dont talk about it out loud" ass mentality.