Attitude changing

I didn’t expect divorce to be easy, but I definitely didn’t expect it to be this hard.

I’m a 58-year-old man, and after a long marriage I told my wife (66) in December that I wanted a divorce. Since then, there have been accusations, anger, hurt feelings, and a lot of things said about me that simply aren’t true. For a long time, I carried that around with me. I was frustrated, defensive, and constantly replaying everything in my head.

Recently, though, something shifted.

I’ve started looking at her differently. Not as someone trying to hurt me, but as someone doing the best she can with the tools she has. Whether I agree with her choices or not, she’s handling this the only way she knows how.

That realization has been surprisingly freeing.

I can’t control what she says about me, what she believes about me, or how she chooses to navigate this divorce. I can spend my energy fighting it, or I can accept that the outcome will be the same either way.

I still care about her. I genuinely want her to be okay. At the same time, I can’t wait for the divorce to be finalized.

The best word I can find for what I’m feeling isn’t anger or even forgiveness. It’s detachment. Not coldness, just a growing acceptance that her reactions belong to her and mine belong to me.

Maybe that’s what healing looks like.

Has anyone else experienced a shift like this during divorce?

TL;DR: After months of frustration, I’ve realized I can’t control how my wife handles the divorce, only how I respond to it. Letting go of the need to fight every battle has brought me a surprising sense of peace and acceptance.