Just moved to big city, and protecter feels on edge
We recently moved to a big city. This isn't our first time in a large city, but we're living right in the downtown now, and my protector is almost exclusively fronting in the week since our move, which has led to a significant disruption in our ability to get work done. He feels very on edge living in the city, in part because we've gone through traumatic experiences in previous cities we've lived in.
He is in a constant state of hyperousal when we are outside our apartment, constantly looking around us for potential dangers. And because we moved from a conservative state to a blue one, we've been getting more looks and flirting comments from strangers, as a genderfluid individual who mainly presents as male. This makes my protector feel threatened; the way people look at us feels threatening and violating, even if they're just smiling or using a flirtatious tone of voice.
I know about, and indirectly experienced, some of the events his issues comes from, even if the majority of our childhood trauma is still cut off from me. I can make rational inferences about why sexual interest from strangers, namely from men, might trigger my protector, or other alters who feel like offshoots of my protector.
Do you have any advice? We'll be carrying pepperspray, and in the future, my protector plans to enroll in self-defense classes. I think, as we become used to this new neighborhood and environment, and our current stress level diminishes, his hyperarousal response will lower as far, but the way he fronts or co-fronts when someone begins to flirt with us or when we engage in sexual activity, is an issue.
Posted Jun 13, 2026, 5:37 PM UTC