Missing My Best Friend

They were amazing and so kind. S understood me and we connected so quickly and were such good friends till I messed up.

I just had to say I had a crush on them (I didn't and I was confused emotionally because they were my first ever real friend) and then I'd act all insecure and even get jealous at times because S were so social and had so many friends while I had nobody but that shouldn't of mattered.

Then an situation happened where someone punched me and I accidentally jabbed S in the shoulder (I forgot they were next to me because I was angry and punched the person back) and then all their friends + bf became awful with me and my phone number got sent to complete strangers (Someone who I thought was an ok friend did this) and it fully destroyed the friendship me and S had.

I don't think S believed it was an accident and eventually after they stopped speaking to me, I blocked them and told myself to move on. But I can't because I truly miss them and I didn't need to block them and I could've waited. I have no friends and I just stay in the house while I do almost nothing. I'm trying to just be myself and love myself and I'm doing well but I miss going out with S and just having fun.

I don't even know why I said all of this... I just feel so sad and I needed to vent, thank you if you read this and I hope you have a nice day/night