I messed up, badly. I cheated.

For a little background my boyfriend and I are both bipolar. I use alcohol as a coping mechanism.

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Recently my boyfriend made out with one of my friends and they almost went further. He turned he down for a blow job.

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We made it back together and I forgave him because we were going through a rough spot. We are just finding our footing again. We had hit a good spot.

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I went manic and drank a whole bunch while manic and hooked up with one of my girl friends, she is in a relationship too, so for some reason in my drunk brain I thought everything would be fine. It was not fine. I even messaged him immediately to tell him what happened.

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He told me he can forgive me, but really should he? Why am I like this? The shame I feel is intense and really hard to handle.

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I need to limit myself with alcohol if this relationship works or not.

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Any advice for dealing with this?